Tuesday, December 2, 2008


So I'm in a wedding this weekend, and am of course dateless, although when I send back the RSVP card I am always optimistic that I'll have a date by the time the wedding rolls around, which rarely happens. Anyone want to go with me? You'll have to have chicken at the reception though, that's what I put you down for. If I get no answers my roomate's going with me. But I'll make him be the girl when we slow dance.

Also, this is the first of 4 weddings I am in the next 8 months. Not just going to, but have to rent a tux for. That's close to $500 worth of tuxes for all of you keeping score at home, plus buying the shoes for Ben's wedding, and I'm getting a mohawk for his wedding as well (bride and grooms request). I think I need to start being a crappier friend so I can save some cash.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Why Men Are Suckers

So I went to the mall today to buy some shoes that I have to wear in a friends wedding next weekend (all black Chuck Taylor All-Stars to go along with the tux, nice call Benny) and as I'm leaving a fine young lady calls me over because she has a question for me. Since I'm a male and a female was wanting something from me, I of course said OK. Well she looked exactly like a smaller version of Shakira with a nose ring (yes, I realize that Shakira is tiny, but this chick was super tiny), an accent that was just as sexy (3/4th from Israel, 1/4th from New York I found out later), and she was selling these Dead Sea skin care products from a super nice looking kiosk. $54.78 later I was the proud owner of some salt exfoliation crap and some mud soap. I swear that I've pretty much never been talked into buying something from a sales person in my life, but if I were an Eskimo and lil' Ruthie was selling ice, I'm pretty sure I still would have been buying.

Fuck, I'm not saying that I need to find Mrs Right, but I really need to at least find Mrs Right Now.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hanging With The Nephews

After my fun filled night of watching Obama make history and then reliving the glory days with Killa, I treked the rest of the way across Iowa to hang out with Carter, Tristan, and Tyler (and their parents, too). All we did the whole weekend was hang out, i think I only left the house twice during the three days, once to take the twins to the doctor and once to pick up sushi for Katie and I. The twins were sick but were in amazing spirits considering, and Carter took to me right away and we played quite a bit. If I left the room he would yell for me, and anything I did he had to do too, including going to the bathroom. Overall it was an awesome, relaxing time. I also brought the boys a bunch of OSU gifts, and here they are sporting some of the new gear. It's also my first ever picture with all three of them, and while the twins aren't looking at the camera, hey, it's the best we could do.
Here is a picture of Carter after eating dinner. He pretty much insisted that I sit with him while he ate, and I also gave him a ton of ranch to dip his chicken in, which apparently isn't the norm. He ended up just eating the ranch with his fingers. It was one of many things I did that isn't in his routine, such as I found out he LOVES root beer.
I mentioned the young ones were sick, and here we are after their doctors appointment at the drive through at CVS Pharmacy. Of course they both got hungry at the same time and were screaming their heads off, so I had to lean into the back and feed both at once. I'm a multi-tasker.
The boys were also put on breathing machines, and of course Carter didn't want to be left out so he kept messing with them while they were doing their treatments. I distracted him by asking him to "help" me cook dinner. Here we are pealing potatoes, and he did an awesome job of rinsing them off for me. Of course he would then put them right back in the bowl that had dirt in it, but whatever. This actually kept his attention for quite a while.
This is how Carter rolls. No pants and a frog backpack. I tried rolling like that once and that's how I ended up banned from the State Fair and on two years probation.
Me and Cart-man at the start of the OSU-Northwestern game. The Brutus Buckeye doll on the right he already had, and I got him his own necklace and OSU teddy bear that he's sporting. Oh, and of course I got him the jersey last Christmas.
Tyler (I think) and I watching the game as well. He really was focused. Also, Carter refers to both of the boys as Tri-Tri (the beginning of Tristan) and I might do the same since I can't tell them apart.
Here is what his onesie said, he wore it just for Great Uncle Ed.
"Mom" says Carter. "My beer is empty, grab me a cold one from the fridge."
OK, so maybe that's not what he said, but I did teach him to throw my empties away for me, and I even made sure he carried it with two hands so he wouldn't drop it. I bet by this summer he'll even be able to fetch me new beers. Ah, kids are great.
Why do they look so uncomfortable? Dad made them change into Iowa gear for their game against Penn State. Although it was an awesome game, I will say that.
OK, so I swear I'm eating better these days and working out (hey, I've lost a few pounds), but I did get the tenderloin sandwich from a local bar in Davenport that we got on Saturday night. That is a normal sized tomatoe slice, and the container it is in is your standard full size carry out box. This thing lasted me two meals and a snack (not joking) and was only 8 bucks.
Well, I had a great time with the boys, and enjoyed the company of Katie and Carl too. Thanks Hoyts!!!

Halloween, Election, and Lamoni

On Halloween, Jistin, my roomate Ben, and I decided to go as the Beastie Boys in the "Sabotage" music video. They may have been able to grow real mustaches, but I had a real police badge, compliments of ex-cop Carrie. Thanks Carrie!!!
Now on to Election Day, which as most of you could guess made me very excited. I woke up about an hour and a half before I normally do to go vote at the elementary school right by my house, and the line wasn't too bad. I only waited for about 30 minutes or so, and was in and out in a total of 40. I also ran into a good friend from High School, a guy I used to go to church with, I knew the cop that was there, and the lady that checked me in knew my parents.
Anyways, after anxiously going through the work day, I went straight to my friend Tommy's house on the Plaza so we could watch all the election results. I took the rest of the week off, and Tommy took Wednesday off so we could make a night out of it. I brought some beverages for us and we would watch CNN and then switch to Fox News when we wanted something to laugh at. At about 9:30 or so we headed out to a bar and were eating dinner when they called it for Obama. There were at least 50 people there and the bar erupted into cheers, and everyone yelled at the bartender to turn the music off and turn the TV volumes on. I must say that McCains concession speech was quite amazing, and it's sad that he couldn't have run his whole camaign that way, but he had to sell his soul to tow the line for the Republicans. Of course we loved the speech by Obama, and the scene in Grant Park was spectacular. There were two black guys at the bar, and both were crying during the speech which was pretty moving. We then moved on to another bar that was pretty much empty except for a really good band and about 12 young black people. Since I had on my Obama shirt they immediately liked me and Tommy, and they were buying us drinks. All in all a VERY cool night.

The next morning I woke up and headed up to Lamoni for the night to hang out with my old roomate Killa, who is now finishing up his doctorate at Graceland. Oh wait, still his undergrad but it is year 7. My mistake. We just chilled, ate Pizza Shack, played wii, and played some beer pong with two guys I played volleyball with that were still up in Lamoni.
Oh, and we did some Irish Car Bombs. Delicious.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Things I Hate

- Comcast. After a year of my cable not working correctly, I finally am on The Dish Network through AT&T. But not before The Dish had to come out 3 different times to install everything due to things that Comcast screwed up. I'm now paying less and am getting more channels plus DVR.
- Sarah Palin.
- Sarah Palin's accent.
- Sarah Palin's slang.
- Everything that comes out of Sarah Palin's mouth.
- People that hated Hilary Clinton because she was an outspoken female but like Sarah Palin because...well, I have no idea why anyone likes Sarah Palin because everything she says doesn't make any fucking sense. You betcha!!!
- People that chew with their mouth open, especially when you sit in a cubicle 10 feet away from me and constanty chew on vitamin drops.
- Women that are constantly cold. I may have bitched about this one already, but I hate it that much. First off, all you eat is two salads a day with fat free dressing on the side(that you don't finish anyways) and a bowl of soup. I should say a bowl of broth because you don't even eat the good stuff. If you had more than 4% bodyfat you'd be warmer. Your not cold, you're semi-Anorexic. Second, you're wearing a short sleeve blouse that is so thin I'm surprised you can't see nipple, as well as a skirt and heels. You know what? Eat a fucking hamburger and put on a sweater. Until then, shut the hell up.
- People that send political emails where there is nothing cited and the text is in some bubble, cartoonish font. Yeah, base your beliefs on something that looks like it was typed by a 6th grade Hannah Montana fanatic. Oh wait, you already have your beliefs and just cling on to anything that looks like it may back you up, even if it's all made up shit. Hey, did you hear that Obama is going to take the oath of office on the Koran? I also got an email where there cited their stuff from Wikipedia. You know, the online encylopedia that ANYONE can edit. By the way, every single one of the emails has been in support of McCain. Republicans - actuall brain use optional.
- Sarah Palin.

Alright, there's my rant of the day. I'm doing some Halloween parties this weekend, and then have quite the week following that. Tuesday I'm hanging out with Tommy Brooks while we watch what unfolds with the election and then hit the town, Wednesday I'm going to Lamoni to hang with Killa and go golfing, and then Thursday I'm driving over to hang with the Hoyts. I'll have plenty of pics from the fun filled week.

Sunday, October 12, 2008


Last weekend I made the trek out to Nashville, TN (there is a Nashville, Indiana, so I'm just clarifying) to meet up with ol' Pat Lewis. Pat lives in Atlanta now but went to school at Vanderbilt, and this is the second year in a row we've met up for a 48 hour bender, er...I mean a nice relaxing guys weekend. He always has a free hotel room from rewards points, and I've always used a free flight on Southwest, so we are able to do NashVegas on the cheap. We just so happened to pick the weekend of the Auburn vs Vandy football game, which ended up being the biggest win in the Commodore's history (which is kinda like taking first place at the special olympics...which is a reference to one of my favorite jokes...man, i'm an asshole and am going to hell).

At any rate, after arriving on Friday night we dropped our stuff off at the hotel and headed down to music row. Below is the first bar we went to, and no it is not an actual double wide trailer, but it does look like one. It was cool but they tried a little to hard to be all white trashy. They did have cheap pitchers of PBR though.
We soon headed over to The Stage, which is one of the famous music bars in Nashville. We chilled on the balcony area and met this couple which were cool as hell. Me, Pat, and Bill (one of Pat's college buddies that I know pretty well from when I stayed with the two of them in London for a week back in '03) where pretty much being huge pervs and were just trying to look down girls tops on the lower level (once again, I'm going to hell) when these two caught on to our game and decided to help us out. We ended up hanging out with them most of the night and even ran into them the next day. They were actually from Cincinnati, so that was cool.
We ended the night at some Karaoke bar where 1) I almost got kicked out for spitting on the floor, 2) We shared a table with a bunch of 19 year old ladies who didn't look a day over 16...ah college, and 3) There was this random middle aged man passed out cold.
On to Saturday, and this is what our sink looked like at 9 am. Because of the sink becoming a cooler, I used the tub faucet to brush my teeth. Pat? No, he just spit in the ice, so we had used toothpaste spit all over the beer. Ah well, i guess getting whiter teeth while you drink isn't too bad.
Around 11 we headed over to Sam's, which is my favorite bar of all time (which is saying something). I won't even try to describe it because no words can describe how cool it is. Here is our breakfast of champions. Although Pat's yeast infection started acting up and after two drinks we headed back to the hotel for a quick nap. Pussy.
This is around noon. At a bar.
After the nap we headed down to campus for some tailgating action, then headed back to Sam's to watch the game. The Ohio State game was on the big screen next to the main big screen that was showing the Vandy game, so that was cool. Anyways, here are two signs that were at a tailgate we passed, which was the Top 25 Signs Not Seen At Gameday (yes, ESPN College Gameday was in town). Click on the pic to enlarge.

Here is a picture of our second home for the weekend.
Here we are with random middle aged woman that bought us a shot. No idea what her name was, but she was taking Patron shots by herself so I selflessly offered to take one with her (she bought them of course). Turns out her daughter is a freshman at Vandy, so she couldn't come out to the bars. Anyways, she then started talking about how her daughter is called a prude because she isn't randomly hooking up with guys, and she was saying her advice to the daughter was that vibrators are better than guys anyways. Yeah, it was kinda akward.
This is the last picture of the weekend, and I honestly don't remember why Pat had his shirt unbuttoned.
All and all it was an awesome weekend, and we are already planning on what weekend we are going to do it next year.
P.S. I know you all are wondering what the joke is, and it is...What's the only thing better than finishing first at the special olympics? Not being ret..... ok, I can't even write the rest of that, I'm not even that crude. But you did chuckle. Once again, I'm going to hell...

Thursday, October 2, 2008


- I have pink eye. What adult gets pink eye?
- I have multiple canker sores that hurt like a mother farker. Why the hell do I get them so much?
- My chest and back still feel weird from when Genz punched me almost three weeks ago. I did get x-rays and nothing was cracked, but I think I need to go to a chiropractor.
- As you can see, I'm falling apart.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wednesday Afternoon

I'm sitting here at work, and I thought I'd write a little update since I just wrapped up the end of our quarter, I haven't taken a lunch break in a few weeks, and frankly I don't feel like working for the last few minutes that I'm here. Crap, my boss reads my blog on occasion I think. Just kidding Melissa, it's 10 at night and I'm online running some orders through!!!
- Well jailbait is already out of the equation. I confirmed that she is indeed 19, turning 20 in December (Fish thought she was turning 21 in December), and then a few hours later Fish found out that her type of guy is "tall, skinny, blonde, drives a truck, and chews Skoal." Um....I'm 5'10", have a double chin, tits bigger than some girls, drive a '99 Camry with a dent in the front bumper from hitting the worlds largest Racoon (I swear it was the size of a Golden Retriever), and the closest I get to Skoal is Big League Chew. Thinking about it all from a sane point of view, this is probably for the best though. Seriously...19. I am going to a HS soccer game tonight, gonna scope out some of the babes. 17 is legal in Missouri.
- Calm down everyone, I'm totally kidding. I swear. That's gross.
- The Royals didn't finish in last place. Holla!!!
- I pretty much quit Howl at the Moon. I work through October 18th and then I'm done until May when volleyball is over, but I doubt I'll actually go back then. I at least say I'm going back so I can get the employee discount for longer. It was fun while it lasted, but I never got to beat anyone up, so I've still never been in a fight. Damn.
- For all of my blog fans out there, I found out one that I think even tops mine. It's done by Robyn Bradshaw, who is a good friend of Carls, and it's about her returning to the dating scene after an 8 year absence. It is truly hilarious, and it has inspired me to step up my game. Check it out at http://thelifeandtimesofadateslut.blogspot.com/
- Apparently her last name isn't Bradshaw, but I've never seen Sex and the City (I may have some gay tendancies, but that is not one of them) so I didn't get the joke. I invited Robyn on a date here in Kansas City, and while I know that is doubtful maybe something will work out when I'm in the QC next. She recently did a list of Pro's and Con's of guys she's gone on dates with, so I will save her the hassle of making a list about me and do it myself. Since it is "late" and "i'm going to bed soon (leaving work)", that will be my next post. The new and improved "Why You Should Date Me (And Also Why You Shouldn't)."

Later Kids

P.S. The new colors are because baseball (Royals) season is now over and I'm full time back into football (THE Ohio State University).

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Random Update

Sorry for taking so long between posts, I really have no excuse except that I'm lazy. Here's an update on what's going on in my life, plus a few random thoughts.
- What's worse than failing at dating? Failing at online dating. I went on a second date last week with this chick Shannon, and it did not go well. I was having a hard time explaining why I wasn't interested at all, but when I would then mention that she had 4 cats and admitted her apartment kinda smelled and had cat hair everywhere, that summed it up. Now if she looked like Erin Andrews and had 4 cats I wouldn't care at all, but she looked more like, uh, I can't think of anything creative here, she just wasn't all that cute. Plus her arms were bigger than mine, which is a sad assesment of both of us.
- The same night as my sad-ass date, my 6 month subscription to match.com expired, and I didn't renew. So I'm a fucking online dating loser. I'm eating a bag of Funyons and a pint of Ben and Jerry's while watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants as we speak.
- So my good friend Fish is trying to hook me up with one of her coworkers. No, not one of her coworkers from her job as a lawyer, but her side job as a waitress at a BBQ joint. Oh, so she's another waitress? No, she's a hostess, like 19 or 20 years old. Now I went up there tonight to get a carry out order and scope her out, and she actually seemed really nice and was cute. She might only be 19, but she looks at least 17. Wait a second... But I hear she reads at a sophmore level (a few of you might get that joke. Van Wilder. Look it up.)
So if I take out a 19 year old what do we do? Go Bowling? Mini-Golf? Chucky Cheeses? A movie? Can she even get in to rated R movies? Seriously, a whole date that doesn't involve drinks...this could be weird. Maybe I'll confiscate an ID from a young blonde that I card at the bar, and presto, she has a fake ID.
- Why does anyone ever go to Arby's and get anything besides the 5 for $5.95 deal? For about the same price you can get a roast beef combo meal, so one sandwich, an order of fries, and a drink. Or get the 5 for 5.95 deal and you get 3 sandwiches and fries and a drink. Or 2 sandwiches, fries, a desert, and a drink. Or you do what I do and get 4 sandwiches, onion straws, and a water. Bam, two meals for $5.95.
- I've realized that the sound of someone eating an apple might be the most annowing sound ever. I don't even eat an apple off the core anymore myself, I cut it up at work with a plastic knife on a styrofoam plate (which is a special talent I must say), just so I don't run the risk of annoying myself.
- Dammit, I have two cats right now. Does that make me the weird creepy cat dude? One's only a loner cat that I'm watching for a friend until January, so I think I'm still somewhat normal.

I'm tired and going to bed. Holla at you all later.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Why I'm Fat

The study was published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

Food for thought: Intellectual activities make people eat more than when just resting, according to a study that sheds new light on brain food. This finding might also help explain the obesity epidemic of an increasingly sedentary society in which people still have to think now and then. Researchers split 14 university student volunteers into three groups for a 45-minute session of either relaxing in a sitting position, reading and summarizing a text, or completing a series of memory, attention, and vigilance tests on the computer. The scientists had determined beforehand that the thinking sessions consumed only three calories more than resting. After the sessions, the participants were invited to eat as much as they pleased. Though the study involved a very small number of participants, the results were stark. The students who had done the computer tests downed 253 more calories, or 29.4 percent more than the couch potatoes. Those who had summarized a text consumed 203 more calories than the resting group. Blood samples taken before, during, and after revealed that intellectual work causes much bigger fluctuations in glucose levels than rest periods, perhaps owing to the stress of thinking. The researchers figure the body reacts to these fluctuations by demanding food to restore glucose, a sugar that is the brain's fuel. Glucose is converted by the body from carbohydrates and is supplied to the brain via the bloodstream. The brain cannot make glucose and so needs a constant supply. Brain cells need twice as much energy as other cells in the body. Without exercise to balance the added intake, however, such "brain food" is probably not smart. Various studies in animals have shown that consuming fewer calories overall leads to sharper brains and longer life, and most researchers agree that the findings apply, in general, to humans. And, of course, eating more can make you fat. "Caloric overcompensation following intellectual work, combined with the fact that we are less physically active when doing intellectual tasks, could contribute to the obesity epidemic currently observed in industrialized countries," said lead researcher Jean-Philippe Chaput at Laval University in Quebec City, Canada. "This is a factor that should not be ignored, considering that more and more people hold jobs of an intellectual nature," the researcher concluded. The study was published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

Thoughts on Palin

I usually don't get all political, but the following is a reprint from a family email I sent out, and Carl requested that I post it on here. Soon after this, we all got banned from political talk in the family email chains. I guess the GOPers don't want to hear about what flawed...err, different... logic they have.

I think usually the VP pick doesn't really matter much, it's kinda like getting free oil changes when you buy a car. Sure it's nice, but that shouldn't sway your decision on what car to buy. However since McCain is old as dirt and has had some health issues, I think it comes a little more into play this time around.

First, I feel extrememly sorry for Bristol Palin for getting thrown into the spotlight, I hope she can handle it. One thing I question though is that if Sarah Palin is such a family person, then why would she run for a demanding job when she has a 5 month old child with disabilities and a 17 year old pregnant daughter? I know she'll be able to get the best nannies around, but there's no way she can be that involved in those kids lives as VP. On the same note, if the Palins want privacy for their daughter, then they need to keep her private herself. You can't complain about it and then have the daughter and the baby daddy pose for photo ops with McCain and put them on stage. Here's a link to what I think is a good article about the issue.


Second, here's a video of Palin giving a speach a few months ago to her former church. If you start listening at about the 3 minute mark or so, she refers to the war in Iraq as "Gods War." That right there is friggin scary.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

American Idol and Taking Katie Out on the Town

This past weekend Katie and the whole clan came down for the long weekend, and one of the excuses of making the trip was to go to the American Idol concert, featuring my protege David Cook. Without further ado, here is the account of the night.

Here I am right after getting to my parents house to pick up Katie and Carl, and of course Carter-man wanted to chill with me for a bit. He knew who I was right away and even wanted me to hold him, and we played for a few minutes while Katie and Carl finished up getting ready. After this we met up with some Gracelanders for a HH, but I didn't take any pictures. Woops.
Here we are in our front row seats (Editors Note: Only Katie and I went to the concert, Carl and the others were only there for happy hour). OK, so they were front row of the upper deck, but they were still pretty decent seats. My good friend Ben and his fiance and parents just happend to sit a few seats over and 3 rows behind us, and I got to chat with them a few times do to the fact I had to make 4 "pit stops" during the concert after having the Bratwurst Platter at happy hour. Most of you are saying that is TMI, but I know Uncle Mark would be proud.
This could have been me. If only I had actual talent. But seriously, he came out wearing a Chiefs jersey which was cool, and halfway through his set he asked how many people were from Blue Springs South out there. We of course went crazy but quite a few people booed (jealous f*cks), but Dave quickly told everyone that there was no need to boo.
After the show, we moved across the street to Power and Light to show Katie where I worked, and to show her a good time since she hadn't been out in almost a year. First stop was to Howl, where we chilled with my friend/manager Jake, took some jello shots, and most importantly, I talked to the piano guys and got Katie to sing a song on stage.
Here she is making her professional debut, singing "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks. She nailed it.
After the singing we went next door to PBR Big Sky (assless chaps) to see my friend Heather and have one more drink before heading home. Now I've gotten to know Mike, the GM of the bar, just from working down there, and he happened to be at the entrance when we got there. He let us in without waiting in line, didn't have to pay cover, and after I introduced Katie and told about the twins/not being out in a long time, he immediately went and got us some drinks on the house. He then asked Katie if she wanted to ride the bull, and of course she said yes. Here's Mike and Katie before her time on the bull.
The best part of this is once again we didn't have to wait in line, she got right on. It pays to know people.
All in all, it was a fun filled weekend. I spent all Saturday hanging out with the family, but was having such a good time I didn't take any pics. Oh well, can't wait until next time!!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Last Weekend

Well, match.com girl fizzled out and is no more. Oh well, that's life....and she can go f*ck herself.

Other than that, things are going well. Last friday I took off work early and went golfing with Killa and his cousin Danny (who I played club volleyball with in HS). Danny is the superintendant of the course we played on and Killa is one of his minions, so that was free, plus it was dollar beer Friday!!! Here I am mid-backswing. Some people call me the White Tiger.
Here is Killa, some call him the Brown Tiger. Wait a second...
That evening Killa, Tommy Brooks, and I went down to P & L. It just so happened that Aron "Barn" Barwick and his wife were in town and were hitting things up with some other Gracelanders. Here I am with Barn at PBR Big Sky, aka "the bar with the chicks wearing chaps."
Here I am with Mrs. Barwick, and for some reason we decided to do a couples pose.
Sunday we started working on the new patio again, and my future roomate Ben K. (and his truck) helped us out. You can see we are making process, and we should have it done by this Friday after we put the decorative rocks down. I'm already worried that I didn't take the sump pump pipe out far enough, so I may have to extend that at some point. However, I'll hope for the best since I'm having a party this Sunday to celebrate the new patio, Killa moving out/Ben K. moving in, and Blue Springs South vs Rockhurst being on ESPN. GO JAGS!!!

Well that's all for now, but this weekend should be fun filled. The Hoyt clan is making the trek down, and Katie and I are going to the American Idol concert on Friday. Hopefully I'll have a good time, instead of being pissed off that Dave Cook is making millions while I slave away in a cubicle all day and have to supplement my income by babysitting drunks...but I digress.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Yard Work, My Cat Is Weird, and the Match.com Girl

First things first: I'll give you all an update on Lara, aka the Match.com girl. Things were going pretty well, I think I told everyone that I even cooked her dinner. Well she was out of town all that weekend, then I went to her place for the first time last Monday, nothing too special, but things seemed good. Then all last week she seemed kinda shady. Not super shady, just not acting like you do when you are interested in someone. She didn't return my calls/texts a few nights, but she randomly texted me Friday night (though I think she was drunk). We didn't talk Saturday, barely talked Sunday and she seemed weird, so I was about ready to give up hope. But then this week has been totally fine. So as you can tell, I over-analyze everything. I also have no idea if things are moving anywhere, as nothing is that bad but nothing seems to be progressing. Ah well, not like I have anyone...errr, I mean anthing....else to do right now. She was supposed to come over tonight but she got out of work really late (and lives over 30 minutes away), but she invited me out with her friends on Friday night. To be continued...

The big news right now is that I'm starting a new landscaping/yardwork project. My sump-pump pipe has been screwed up for a while, so my backyard was a swampy shithole. Last weekend Killa and I (yes, I'm doing this whole thing while I have free labor) finally started and fixed the pipe, as well as lowering it and extending it. We think we might not have gone far enough, but we will see. Below are some "before" pics for you all, and hopefully my lazy ass will get around to having the "after" pics done in the next week or so.

Here's the view facing the back of my condo. The pipe used to only go out to about to the edge of the stairs, although the pipe was busted only about 3 feet out from the house, so that whole area would flood bad. You can see where we dug a trench and extended the pipe. We also buried the gutter drain so it now goes down that way instead of draining into the area where I'm going to put down the new garden/rock/grill area. What the hell do you call it when it's not really a patio, but I'm not really going to have a bunch of plants? On the side of the house you can see the pavers and lawn bricks as well. I got all of these used from my parents and grandma, which got me to actually do this project.
Here's the view from the side. All of this area under the deck and between the stairs and house will be the garden decorative rock things (once again don't know the technical term), and then it will extend a few feet closer to where I am taking this picture, with a semi-circle to the right of the stairs/deck out into the yard. I'll put pavers down right next to each other to form a mini patio area between the stairs and house to put my grill (trust me, the are is bigger than it looks), and the in the area closest to the camera in this picture will have the pavers act like stepping stones, with the rocks in between. I'll be tearing out the concrete pad and have pavers there as well.
After all of our hard work doing the pipe work, Killa and I decided to have a beer. OK, so the mugs actually held like 3 beers. But we deserved it, we worked hard.
The following pics are just to show that my cat is freakin' one of a kind. Here he is sleeping, and no he's not lying down. He was just sitting up, but instead of lying down he just bent down, put his head on the ground, and fell asleep. He's done this a couple of times now.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Hey kids, it's been a while since I've done a big, random post on what's going on in my life, but I swear there's a reason. The biggest is that I used to do most of my updates over my lunch break (wink wink) at work, but now I'm actually busy as hell and usually work through my lunch (that is actually true). I work at least twice a week with my side job, have softball one night (thank God that is now over), have been on 5 dates lately (more on that later), I'm starting a new landscaping project, and when I'm not doing one of those things, I am usually drinking with my friends.

But anyways, here are some updates/stories/random thoughts...

-About a month ago I had one of those situations where you swallow your manliness and do something for your girlfriend that you don't really want to do. Oh wait, I don't have a girlfriend, and I had to do this for a friend, without having the incintive that at least I was getting a piece of ass for it.

Anyways, I was at work at our main North Kansas City office, and my friend who works for the same company as I do was at our Lee's Summit location (we both live in LS as well). Well apparently, her "medicine" was running out that day, and she didn't want to drive all the way to NKC to pick up the prescription from our onsite Pharmacy. So I get the following call. Non-Girlfriend: "Matt, will you do me a huge favor." Matt: "Possibly. What is it?" Non-Girlfriend: "I need you to pick a prescription for me at the clinic and I'll pick it up from you tonight at your house." Matt: "Just get it tomorrow." Non-Girlfriend: "I can't miss a day." Matt: "Geezus, it's your birth control isn't it?" Non-Girlfriend: "Maybe." Matt: "God Dammit....Fine...But you owe me a beej...and I'm not picking tampons for you, so don't ask."

So my single ass has to walk into the onsite clinic at work and pick up fucking birth control for a female who I'm not even getting any from, all so she won't get pregnant by whoever the next tall, dark, and handsome Blonde/Mosaic he-whore she goes home with next. So pretty much I am doing all the boyfriend dirty work without even being a boyfriend. Oh, and what happened a few weeks after this? The two of us went out to lunch, and she had to stop by the store on the way back to work to pick up tampons. I stayed in the car.

-Match.com finally doesn't suck!!! A while back I stated how my friend Laura was going to online date for me while she was bored in Milwaukee. Well, she chickened out, so my friend Leah stepped in. Leah is a few years older than I am and she's married with two kids. On top of that, she got married when she was like 14 or something so she's never dated anyone besides her husband. Calm down Leah, I'll let everyone know that you were 19...

Anyways, I didn't meet any women from Leah's barrage of messages and "winks" to the other desperate singles of Kansas City, but in an indirect way it helped me find a girl I've actually been out with a few times. I was online one night seeing who the latest girls I (Leah) emailed, when I saw a profile of a cute girl I hadn't attempted to talk to before. I was too lazy/tired/hungover to send her a message, so I sent her a wink. For those non-online daters out there (oh wait, that's all of you), a wink just lets the person that you saw there profile and you are interested in them. Well, as interested as you can be in someone who you've never talked to and all you know about them is the two paragraphs they wrote.

Anyways, to my shock she actually wrote me back, using proper English and not talking about Nascar, and she seemed pretty funny. After many emails back and forth, we talked a few times on the phone and decided to meet up. Things went really well, we went out a few more times, even met up with friends one night, and last week she came over and I wooed her with a home cooked meal. Hell, I even bought her flowers and sudafed (she's alergic to cats). Anyways, things seem to be going pretty good so far, we're just taking it slow and having a good time. Her name is Lara, she's my age, went to K-State, she writes for a small town newspaper in a Kansas suburb, she has the same sophmoric sense of humor as I, and she is extremely cute. Actually, when we first met I was kinda pissed that she was as attractive as whe was because I figured I didn't have a chance. Luckily for me she must be either REALLY desperate or is attracted to guys with double chins and skin tags on their neck.

-Real work is going pretty good except for the fact that I'm busy as hell due to the fact that our team was downsized, but my boss gives us freedom to actually work on our own and doesn't micromanage like my last boss, so that helps a ton. My side job is actually pretty fun, mostly becuase I know what I'm doing now and I can be a dick to people and it's totally cool. Although I'm one of the worlds smallest/wimpiest bouncers ever, so I need to learn some takedown techniques or something for when the day comes that I actually have to get physical with someone. Carrie, if you're reading this get in touch so you can show me some of your cop moves. Oh man, I'm having to get take down techniques from a girl. Man I'm a pussy.

-So last weekend me and Killa went out to lunch with my Dad after we picked up some landscaping bricks from the parents house. We went to Wendy's and as we were chowing down on Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers and Frosty's, when I noticed Dad's shirt. As I'm sitting across from the not in very good shape man eating the 1/4 pound hamburger combo meal, his t-shirt reads "I went hungry so kids don't have to." It apparently was from some Habitat for Humanity thing, but the irony of the whole thing was pretty funny. Killa wants to get my dad one of the "I Beat Anorexia" shirts. Dad even thought everything was pretty funny too, so that was good. And what sucks is that I know I'm going to look/act exactly like him in 30 years. Sigh.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Visiting the Twins

Two weeks ago I took off a day of work and headed up to the QC to meet the twins, and of course to hang out with Katie, Carl, my Mom (she was up there for a few weeks), and most of all Carter-man. I jetted from work about 4:30 on Friday and was so excited I actually missed my exit to get on the interstate, so my dumb-ass was delayed about 20 minutes. After battling thunderstorms all through Missouri, thinkgs cleared up in Iowa and I chilled listening to the new Shinedown CD. All was well until I hit my normal truck stop on the east side of Des Moines, about 2 1/2 hours from Katies, when things went bad. Do you know what's more boring than driving through Iowa by yourself? Driving through Iowa by yourself without a stereo. Yep, right as I pulled into the truck stop the radio made a weird noise and then went out. Long story short, we still don't know what's wrong with it (my roomate was a car audio guy for a few years at Best Buy), so right now I'm screwed. The rest of the way to my sisters I pretty much called everyone in my phone book, plus played poker on my cell phone. Safe, right? On the way back I borrowed Katie's iPod, but about two hours into the trip home I found myself singing out loud to Madonna's "Like A Prayer." Man, I'm gay.

Without further delay, here is a pic of Tristan and Tyler with Uncle Matt, just minutes after we met for the first time.
Here I am feeding....we'll go with Tristan. Actually you can tell them apart because Tristan is always in blue, and Tyler is always in something besides blue. I did a good job telling them apart until right before I left, when they were in matching white swaddles. One of them started crying and my sister asked who it was, and all I could say was "the one on the right." She kinda got pissed that I couldn't tell my own nephews apart, but they are IDENTICAL TWINS!!! But we had a good laugh out of it. Now, I didn't volunteer to feed them, but Katie's so busy she just gave me a baby and a bottle and said "here ya go."
Here is Carter waiting for me to take him outside to ride his tractor, while I'm chillin' with Tristan.
This might have been my favorite moment of the weekend. Carter really took to me right away, and this was on Sunday afternoon when he grabbed his toys and insisted that I play with him. He was so close to me that I couldn't even see anything, but when I tried to shift him a little bit away he would crawl back to be right next to me. Notice his mardi gras beads, too? He's a party animal.
Here's a pic of Carter on his all time favorite toy, his John Deere tractor. The funniest story of the weekend was definately the last time I took Carter out for a ride. The back story is that Carter doens't quite totally get the whole concept of driving. Sometimes he doesn't want to press the gas peddle, he doesn't have the best aim when steering, if you cheer for him hell take both hands off the wheel and clap for himself, and if you wave at him he'll 0nce again take both hands off the wheel and wave back, not looking where he is going but not letting of the gas. Oh, and if he runs into something, he also doens't let off the gas.

OK, so his favorite thing to do is drive right at you, and then you jump out of the way real quick or lift up a leg and let him drive under. Well we were doing this one time, and just as I was about to lift up a leg for him drive under, he decided to slightly change course. I didn't have time to shift my weight properly, so i just stood there while Carter drove straight into my nuts. So his head is pretty much right on my junk, he's now leaning back so far that his hands aren't on the wheel, his hat falls off (but the pacifier stays in), and of course this whole time the pedal is to the metal (well, actually plastic). Katie is watching this thing the whole time and is laughing so hard that she pees herself and has to go change her underwear. I finally kinda move outta the way, Carter finally stops then and looks back at me like "what the fuck was that all about?" Sorry Carter!!!