Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Recipe

Here's the recipe for the jerk marinade from the last post...

Jamaican Jerk Sauce
6 Hot Peppers, anything from Jalapenos to Habaneros
2 Tablespoons Dried Thyme
2 Tablespoons Ground Allspice
1 Small Piece Fresh Ginger, peeled and roughly chopped
1 Bulb of Garlic (yes, a whole bulb), peeled
3 Onions, peeled and roughly chopped
2 Tablespoons Sugar
1 Tablespoon Salt
1 Teaspoon Pepper
½ Cup Olive Oil
½ Cup Soy Sauce
1 Cup Orange Juice
1 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar

Place all ingredients in a blender, blend until smooth. Save some of the marinade to use as a dipping sauce for cooked meat. Marinate meat overnight. I usually use chicken thighs or thin sliced pork loin, and this recipe makes a large amount of marinade so you can cook up to 10 pounds of meat. Grill meat over medium heat and enjoy!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Immitating My Mom

So my Mama Sue recently started a food blog, The Faithfull Foodie http://faithfulfoodie.wordpress.com/, that is becoming quite popular and she is having a great time doing it. This inspired me to do a food post on here, although since I'm much lazier than my mother, I'm only doing one post not an entire blog, and wont' post the recipe unless anyone asks for it. But other than that, it's just like The Faithful Foodie. Well, my language and jokes I'm sure are a little more coarse as well. But I digress. I recently had my first crop of jalapeno's from my garden (do not ask me about my tomatoes, or what are really just tomato plants since not one friggin' tomato actually formed), so I decided to make some Jamaican Jerk Pork for my sweetie. OK, so my sweetie is just my roomate Killa. But it is his favorite meal.

Here are my first 6 beautiful jalapenos. Actually, they are numbers 2-7 as there was one early bird a few weeks ago that I ate with some cheese and crackers, but I consider that just a test run. Aren't I such a green thumb?
I probably could have bought these at thre grocery store for about 18 cents...
Here's the batch of the jerk sauce/marinade. Yes, it makes a ton, so you just have to have a lot of meat to marinade, plus save some for a dipping sauce.
Since my recipe for the marinade makes an entire blender full, I decided to go all out and get 8 pounds of meat. I've done chicken in the past but wanted to mix it up a little. Plus pork was on sale. So I bought 8 pounds of pork chops you ask? Hell no, that's for suckers. I got an 8 pound pork loin and decided to do the butchering myself. Here I wanted to have something next to "the loin" for comparison's sake, so here's Woody checking things out.
I can't tell if he wants to kill it or make love to it.
It got even longer once it came out of the package. That's what she said...
Here it is with about 1/3 of the meat cut into thin chops for the marinade and placed in a baggie, 1/3 cut into thick chops to cook later, and 1/3 still in the form of "the loin," though I later cut that into thin chops for the second baggie.
After marinating overnight and grilling over medium heat, here's the finished product.

So I totally just had a revelation. How can a white boy like me from Missouri (pronounced Mizzeruh so it sounds trashier) cook such good Jamaican food? Because my all time favorite movie is Cool Runnings and I played in a reggae band for about a week. PEACE BE THE JOURNEY!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Random Things In My Head

- If you eat dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings, make sure you wash your hands BEFORE you take a piss, not just afterwards. Trust me on that one.
- So if you couldn't tell from the previous comment, I was at B-Dubs tonight (Buffalo Wild Wings), and I noticed they had 4 bottles of UV Vodka at the bar. Grape, Cherry, Apple, and.......... Blue. Um, what tree does the Blue fruit grow on? What is the scientific name of the Blue plant? And I kinda want to make a joke right now that involves Kool-Aid, but I won't.
- I've noticed that it is socially acceptable to take your dog to public places or other peoples houses (probably since you can't leave them home alone) and everyone is supposed to be OK with it, even if there wasn't any permission given to take the dog there in the first place. While I don't hate dogs like I used to, they still aren't my favorite thing ever. I think in retaliation of that I'm going to just start showing up with my cat to random places and see if people are cool with it, with my main focus being to take Woody to peoples houses that have dogs. First off, I am confident in this since every time Woodrow has come face to face with a dog he beats their ass (even chasing a full sized Boxer down the street), plus I just want to see how awkward it gets at the socail gathering I come to with a cat.
- If you are hanging out with a girl who is a stripper but she isn't working, but then she takes her top off, are you still supposed to tip her? I'm seriously not joking here, this happened to me the other week.
- In case you were wondering, I gave her a dollar. And she took it. Without using her hands.
- Yes, she only had her top off, I'm not that dirty.

That's it kids, I'm going to bed.

Natalia, are you happy now?

Monday, July 20, 2009

So I Need To Fall In Love With Someone Named Matt McLaughlin?

Kelly Hildebrandt is in love with Kelly Hildebrandt, and soon they'll be married.
It's been a whirlwind romance for the guy and gal who share the same name, and it all started with an innocent Facebook message.
"She started off 'Hey, I saw we have the same name,and I thought it was kind of cool, Just wanted to say hi I guess. LOL,'" the male Kelly said.
Kelly the female, from Coral Springs, was curious to see profiles of people with the same name when she happened across Kelly the male in Lubbock, Texas.
"I searched my own name and he's the only one who came up and actually in the picture he didn't have a shirt on and I was like oh he's cute," said the female Kelly.
Three weeks later, male kelly flew to South Florida to meet female Kelly, and they hit it off immediately.
And now in just three months, the Hildebrandts will officially be married.
"We get a couple of the same reactions, usually it's like 'whoa, that's so awesome and totally different,'" said female Kelly, 20.
Male Kelly, 24, has moved down to Florida and plans on working at the new branch for his company, Primerica Financial. Female Kelly is finishing up her studies at Palm Beach Community College.
The wedding will be at Lighthouse Point Yacht Club in October, a quick turnaround -- just eight months after the two first met -- though male Kelly has no reservations.
"I felt like there was a good possibility that before I ever came out to meet her in person, that this could be the girl I'm gonna marry," he said.
The marriage won't be without problems. In fact, one problem has already presented itself before the two have even stepped foot on the altar.
"He's even already got some mail coming in, and we have to open everything, because we don't know whose mail is whose," said female Kelly.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

World Series Home Field Advantage!!!

Good news everyone, with the American League's triumph in the All Star game, the Royals are assured of home field advantage once they clinch the American League pennant. Royals Fever....Catch It!!!

Friday, July 3, 2009

R.I.P. Billy Mays

It's been a somber time in the Woody Hayes household... my roomate Ben lost his non-biological father this week. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.



Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Holy Crap, It's Been Three Months

Sorry kids, I really don't have an excuse, I've just been lazy. Speaking of lazy, there is something that really bugs me. You know those electric shopping carts that they have at grocery stores that are meant for little old ladies to do their once a week shopping, or someone with a broken leg who can't walk? Well, how often do you see a little old lady using one? Or someone who is actually injured? Can I ask any more questions in a row...?
But seriously, the only people you ever see in these things are overweight white trash twinkie eating fat asses. And the occasional teenager as in the picture above, which is still annoying. I couldn't find a better picture, but at least these teens seem like they like twinkies and look pretty damn WT. But back to fat people riding on the scooters. Ever thought that the reason you are fat is that you are so lazy that you can't even walk while picking out your pork rinds and oatmeal cream pies for the week? F*ck excersizing for 30 minutes a day, you get winded walking from your trailer to your 1987 Astro Van. But at least you have a handicap tag so you can park close to the store. Why do you have a handicap tag? Because you have diabetes. Why do you have diabetes? Because you are fat. Why are you fat? Because you can't even walk down a grocery store aisle under your own power. It's like The Circle of Life for people from the Ozarks. But I picture that theme song being sung by Meatloaf, not Elton John.

Now that I have that off my chest, here are a few updates.

- So I am finally on Facebook, and my employer recently allowed Facebook to be used at work. I feel like I should un-friend my boss, just for safety's sake.
- Speaking of Facebook, my Dad talks trash to me about how many friends he has compared to me. He doesn't know how to send a text message but he is the self proclaimed King of Facebook. At least for the Community of Christ crowd.
- Online dating. Quite possibly the lamest thing since that one season of Saved by the Bell where they replaced Kelly Kapowski with Tori, the dyke looking girl in the leather jacket. Which due to the powers of Wikipedia, I recently found out that the actress who played that character really is a lesbian. Wonder if they asked that while casting her. But anyways, online dating is awesomely bad, but I am almost to my 6 months free because I haven't found my soulmate. All I did find was a few girls who I wasted buying drinks for at some happy hours and a bat shiat crazy asian girl who refused to leave her dog home alone and who covered her entire kitchen floor with pee pads so there wouldn't be any accidents, even though she never left it home alone. She did NOT appreciate my "it's just a dog" comment. In fact she hung up, didn't answer my call back or texts and I've never heard from her since. Wonder why she's single. Maybe having "Made in Korea" tattooed on her lower back should have been a warning sign that she was a little off.

That's all for now folks, I'll try to do updates on a semi-regular basis. Natalia, you happy now? Since I'm doing this now I might not have time to work on my resume for your lady friends regarding your wedding.

Go Royals!!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Just Temporarily

OK Kids, I know I've sucked at posting this year, but late winter/early spring is my busy season, mostly due to volleyball. Right now is also end of quarter at work, so I'm super super busy right now (but not as busy as you parents, I know). It will be tough, but I know you all can get through this. Stop back by in late April/early May and I'll be back in the saddle. And extra apologies go out to Natalia and Leah, two of my biggest fans, who have bugged me to put up new posts. For you two I have a special message....GET BACK TO WORK!!!

Your friend and my favorite,
Matt
GO ROYALS!!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Quote of the Day

I went over to Cartee's apartment last night and he had some neighbors over, two of which were gay guys (named Toby and Keith, kinda funny) who had somewhat recently broken up but still lived together. Anyways, I heard the funniest line I've heard in a long time. From Keith, "Remember, the small spoon doesn't get farted on." Wow.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Say A Prayer For The Boy's Boys

Everyone needs to keep the twins (Tristan and Tyler, not mine...hehe) in their thoughts and prayers today, as they are going to see the Dick Doctor. One of them (not sure which...they are twins) has some sort of "bumps" down below, and the other one...well...the other one needs to go in for circumcision #2. Excuse me, I think I need to go throw up.

Hang in their boys!!! No pun intended.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

America, F*ck Yeah


In the words of one of our nations great poets, Mr. Ice Cube...Today It Was A Good Day.
Here's to you Mr. President, God Bless, and Good Luck.
And I realize that this song doesn't make much sense now that Bush is OOO (out of office for you non-office workers), but for some reason it is the song that makes me the most patriotic. And for the first time in my adult life, I can actually feel patriotic. AMERICA, F*CK YEAH!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Roomate

If Billy Mays, the star of such infomercials as "Oxyclean," "OrangeGlow," and "Kaboom".....
.....and Macho Man Randy Savage, the six time world champion of WCW and WWF.....
.....had a bastard love child who loved tattoos and rock music.....
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.....he would look just like my roomate Ben.

Woody Hayes Says Merry Christmas!!!

Yeah, Woody still likes climbing the tree. Notice the lack of ornaments? I didn't even bother putting any up this year because all he does is knock them off. My tree looked very "minimalist."

But without further ado, here are the pics I took of Christmas '08. Not a whole lot happened, just spent quite a bit of quality time with the fam. The crew came down from the QC a few days before Christmas, and even though I couldn't take any time off work, we still maximized our time together.

Here are a few pics from Christmas morning. Carter got approximately 2,437 presents, and I got 3. But I got what I asked for, and Carter seemed happy. Although the two things he played with most were some soup cans and an old doll he found in the basement. Next year I'm getting him a balloon and some bubble wrap.
Here are the twins in their holiday outfits. I would tell you which is which, but....well...I have no clue. Katie, can I get some help here?
Here they are lounging with me while I watched a replay of the '97 Rose Bowl between TOSU and ASU. The sad thing is I knew the first name of every single Buckeye in the game, and even half of the Arizona State team. Jake Plummer, you were anoying as hell, and Pat Tillman, get a haircut. And RIP too.
The day after Christmas I had to work, and that evening everyone came to my condo to chill. Here is the whole gang watching TV after feasting on frozen pizza.
Here I am giving Carter a sip of my ginger ale. Dad freaked out because he thought it was a cocktail, but I told him I wouldn't let Carter drink until he was at least 17.
While Ken was worrying about the ginger ale "cocktail," Carter snuck off and had a shot of Jim Beam. He was a little pissed I didn't have any Johnny or Jack, but he got over it.
"YEEE HAWWWW!!! THIS SHIT IS GOOD!!!"
"LET'S GO STREAKING IN THE QUAD!!!"
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A QUAD IS, BUT THIS MATTRESS SURE MAKES A FUN SLIDE!!!"
OK, so Carter wasn't really drinking, but Katie and Carl forgot his sippy cup and he was thirsty. Shockingly, it wasn't my idea to use a shot glass (it was Carl's), but he LOVED the thing, it was just his size.
Lastly, here I am with all my boys. I miss them already and can't wait to see them again. I talk to Carter every day on the phone (I use the term "talk" loosely), and can't wait until the twins are old enough to do the same.
All in all it was a great Christmas, I can't wait until next year!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Yeah, I Know


Apologies for the long delay in blog posts, but I've been a busy boy lately. And by "busy," I mean I have no friggin downtime at work, volleyball started up, the holidays, and I have a new girlfriend.

OK, so I made up the girlfriend part. I swear I'll have two new posts shortly, one of Christmas and one of my recent trip to Florida. To make up for my time away, here is a picture of Lindsay Lohan back when she was hot and not a lesbian.