Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I am not sure what happened over there in India, if she had a bad batch of Punjabi Dal Makhani or what, but I think she's missing a key part of me possibly having a kid...you know, a mother. Now not that I don't try on the weekends to do what it takes to have a child, it's just that I am never succesful at it (don't you worry Mom!!!) On a side note, I'm not sure if the parents would be too thrilled if the mother of their grandchild is Tiffini Ann the cocktail waitress at Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill. But that's a whole other story.
So I tell Mom thanks for the gifts, but that I hope the book wouldn't fall apart by the time I have a kid. She explained that it would hold up and she didn't want my kid to be left out, whenever that time comes. So I kinda understood, and all was well, until Momma Sue then says, "and don't forget that we still have a black pearl that your Dad got in Tahiti for whoever you marry."
Thanks again for reminding me how single I am. So for all you ladies out there, I have a good job, own my car, own my house, have no debt, and I have a black pearl waiting for you and a book waiting for our child. Matt Mac Marriage, Inc., now taking applications. And you better hurry up, Mom's getting restless.
Monday, February 25, 2008
So Jistin (real name Justin, but his parents both have southern accents so it sounds like Jistin) and I hung out at my place before going out. The other day he had a company wide meeting at Farmer's Insurance that they held in a movie theatre. Here is how he had to sit for over two hours due to the fact that a 350 pound black woman was seated next to him, with the armrest up.
Here's the gang.
Some people train for triathlons. Some train for marathons. Jistin and I? We are training for float trip. If you looked up "Determination" in the dictionary, there is a good chance this picture will be next to it. However, there is also a good chance that if you look up "Lush", this picture will also appear. You win some, you lose some.
Lauren just farted and it smelled really bad. I was thoroughly disgusted, but she thought it was funny. How immature.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Here is a picture of me attempting to try on ski boots. Aside from being uncomfortable due to the ski boots, I soon enough was uncomfortable from the amount of hippies up in the mountains.
Outside the very bottom of Breckenridge. Do I look like I know what I'm doing? No? Good, because I didn't.
Sending a text message to the one and only Heather (quite possibly my biggest blog fan), rubbing it in that I was skiing while she was pretending to do work in her cubicle.
Laura and I looking good. But when you are us beautiful as we are, it's hard not to look good. Also, check out the coordinating Ohio State hats, which actually wasn't planned.
Pretty sure in this picture I still hadn't actually gone down a hill yet.
This was supposed to be a sweet picture of us with the mountain range in the background, but Hans the German tourist apparently doesn't know how to take a picture correctly. But Hans got a lot of the snow in the picture. Thanks Hans!!!
Here we are at the end of the day with the snow getting heavier.
All in all it was one of the funnest, most relaxing days I've had in a while. I shockingly was pretty good and I got the hang of things pretty quickly, and it was good for Laura so she didn't have to stay on the bunny slopes with me the whole time. I seem to have the "ski like a bat out of hell" philosophy, so speed was never a problem but I still only fell once. Until we went to Keystone the next day and I found out first hand about something that people call "moguls." I have no further comment on that.
After that first night, we went out to dinner and then grabbed some drinks at the Dillon Dam Brewery. When we got there the special of the night was the most confusing thing I have ever heard. I honestly told the bouncer he needed a flow chart to explain it correctly, because we still didn't get it. We just said yes, paid the cover, and Laura would get free drinks for like 45 minutes (yeah, no clue). Anyways, it wasn't the best deal ever as you can see by Laura's beer on the left and mine on the right. But then the next one she got was big-kid sized, we are still not sure why.The highlight of the evening was making two friends (no clue what their names were). They were there to watch the bluegrass band, along with a bunch of their other smelly hippy friends. These guys were actaully really nice, but it was HILARIOUS to watch these people dance to the music.
Here I am copying this guys dance moves. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it down just right, but it was fun trying.
Well, the rest of the trip consisted of us hanging out in Denver, sampling the local cuisine, chilling with Laura's friend from way back when Nicole, and meeting up with cousin Nicole and Landon. I made dinner for everyone on Saturay, we had brunch at Nicole and Landon's on Sunday, and then it was time to come home. Thanks again to everyone that hosted me this weekend, and I can't wait until we do it all over again next year.
When I finally got back, Woody was happy to see me. Or at least happy to see my suitcase so he could sleep in it.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Meanwhile, here's a visualization of what I will look like while trying to pick up some ladies at a bar up in the mountains.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
-A few months ago I was talking to my friend Carrie Beth Grice Wood, or CBGW, and we were talking about one of her girl friends. Anyways, it got brought up what my thoughts on her were, and without thinking the first thing out of my mouth was "she always has nice shoes." She's a cute girl and all, and that was my number one thought of her. Hmm.
- Last month at work it was about 5:30 and I was still slaving away, and I had a question for my friend/co-worker/sh*t talking partner Logan. When I go to talk to her I immediately asked her if she meant to wear one black and one dark brown shoe. I then realized that could be seen as an offensive comment by some women, but since our relationship pretty much consists of making fun of each other (as well as quoting Dumb and Dumber), it was fair game. Anyhoo, she had been at work since 8 am, works closely with 5 other women in her cube area, and I was the very first person to notice.
- There's a girl that coaches a different team for the same volleyball club that I coach for, and we have the same practice time on Tuesday nights. I don't know much about her, just that her name is Katie, she has a great smile, and I always thought she was at least pretty much good looking. Oh, that and the head coach she works with is an annoying biyatch. So last week at practice, I for some reason realized that she (Katie, not the biyatch) was really good looking. After a minute or two I realized what had swayed me: she had on nice shoes. Not just nice Nike Shox (white w/ green shox and trim), but it also coordinated with her jacket. **SIDE NOTE** So here is a girl that I talk/flirt with once a week for a few minutes, she is good looking, has nice shoes, takes the time to coordinate her outfits, we have at least the volleyball thing in common, and I have no idea anything else about her, such as if she's single. I need to get off my ass and look into these things. Carpe Nikegirl.
And here is the final thing that made me realize I have an add ability to notice girls shoes...
-Sometime late November/Early December I met a girl out and we actually started talking quite a bit and went on a few dates. Now, I wasn't head over heels or anything, and I reached the point where I need to make a decision of whether to continue things with her or realize things were going nowhere. There were pros (good looking, understood my sense of humor, a Democrat) and cons (she was boring, and....well, she was boring). So what made me decide to end things? Her choice of footwear. I noticed that every single time I saw her, she was wearing the same pair of white Sketchers. Not even nice leather go-out Sketchers, but kinda old, slightly dirly tennis shoe Sketchers. Now this would have bugged me no matter what, but it was compounded by the fact that she wore these on dates. Including the first date. Ladies, seriously, who wears crappy shoes on a date, especially the first one? The answer to that question is girls who will soon get dumped by Matt Mac.
What does this say about me? Here are some options:
1) I'm gay.
2) I am too observant for my own good.
3) I'm way too picky about girls.
4) All of the above.
5) 2 and 3
If you said 1 or 4, go f**k yourself. I believe the correct answer is 5, but who knows.
Other than that, life is peachy, except for all of those things that I constantly bitch about.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Yes, this is how mature we are. Jistin flipping off the camera. Nice.
Note that everyone was just hanging out where the food was, not hanging out by the TV.
Another middle finger. Thanks Genz.
While Genz may have been rude with flipping the bird, he was polite enough to stick his ass outside when he had to fart. And yes, his wife was at the party, too. And no, this wasn't even close to the most innapropriate thing that he did all night. Let's just say I'm glad he didn't get ahold of my camera.
Here's what Woody Hayes thought of the game. I guess he's a Patriots fan.
The ladies eventually decided to have their own little party in the basement. They were playing some game that involved having to name yourself after a vegetable and then rhyme with it. I didn't really get it, so I just went back upstairs and had more queso.
Another view of the girls, but I wanted to give a quick review of my decorating style for my party pad. From left to right: Stereo, Trash Can, Street Signs (no officer, I swear I just found them in a ditch), Cheerleader Calendar, Mounted Deer Head (usually it has a cigarette in it's mouth, but someone must have been reeeeeally desperate and stole it), Volleyball Jerseys (we were supposed to turn those in?), TV, OSU Flag, Foosball Table, Christmas Tree ('tis the season), and a gigantic inflatable Natural Light can. Not seen in the photo is the dart board, flip cup table, and the sump pump hole, which is more commonly known as "the urinal." **EDITORS NOTE** The Natty Light can was graciously purchased by my wonderful brother in law Carl for my b-day back in the day. He wanted a shout out about it, so here you go Carl.
That's all for now, I hope everyone else had a great Super Bowl as well.