- I was flipping through the channels last night and came across a show titled "Me and My Big Breasts." SCHWING!!! "I think I've seen this online" I thought to myself. Then I realized in wasn't on Skinimax, it was on BBC America. And it was on at 8 in the evening. And it was about women wanting breast reduction surgery. Being the typical male I am, I still watched the show though, don't get me wrong. Not too bad, it showed one lady at a modeling shoot with a bunch of other models. That was good. Then I remembered my aunt had breast reduction surgery. That was bad. I then changed the channel and didn't flip back.
- Speaking of reduction, I've lost 11 pounds. Only 21 more to go.
- So some family and friends talked me into joining match.com. Do you know what is even more pathetic than doing online dating? Doing online dating and not have anyone friggin' write you back. I emailed like 7 or 8 girls, and yes I'm sure I sounded like an idiot, but what am I supposed to say? Here is an example of what I want to write back to one of the non-responders:
Dear NascarGurl85 -
I wanted to write you one more time, just to clear a few things up since I sent my first email introducing myself, but did not hear back from you. First, the main reason I got in contact with you is because you look at least semi-cute and showed good cleavage in one of your pictures. Whatever i wrote about thinking we might have some things in common was a total lie. I hate NASCAR, dont' like country music, and am not politically conservative. Also, you work as a receptionist and you're "going back to school soon." Let's be honest honey, you have only taken 9 credit hours at Blue River Community College spread out over the last 4 semesters, so I'd hardly call it "going back" to school. You say you want to be a nurse because you "like helping people," but in reality it is one of only four professions that your family knows about that doesn't require working in grease, working a pole, or anything with the word "-man" in the title (garbage man, UPS man, etc...). Anyways, those four professions are Lawyer, Doctor, Nurse, and Teacher. We all know you can't be a Lawyer or Doctor, being a teacher would require you to spend to much time in a school building, so Nurse it is!!! Good luck with that. At the rate you are going, you'll be a nurse about the same time I'm moving into a nursing home, so have fun wiping my ass.
Anyways, despite all of this, you somehow thought it wasn't worth writing me back. How silly of me, thinking that being funny, outgoing, educated, family oriented, and having a good job would make me attractive to you. I forgot how much better you are than me, working 20 hours a week as the receptionist at your daddy's trailer park, chain smoking Marlboro reds, and getting dragon and butterfly tattoos on your ass.
I wish you the best of luck in your search for Prince Charming, and I hope you have a good day.
At least I'm not bitter, right? Actually, I have been talking to a girl for a little while now online, she actually went to Ohio State, the first line of her profile was a Dumb and Dumber quote, and her favorite drink is Natty Light. I'll keep everyone posted.
- Every major sporting event should take place on a Saturday, this crap about having it on a work night is total BS. You can't call in sick because everyone knows the only thing you are sick from is Busch Light and Rotel dip, but it's a waste to take a vacation day. Super Bowl, NCAA BBall Championship, BCS Championship? All should be on a Saturday. Stanly Cup, MLS Championship? HAHAHAHA, just kidding, no one cares about those sports anyways!!!