Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A National Epidemic

The past few years, I have noticed something. It started off small but has gradually kept growing and growing. At first it was just young women, but now it includes all ages. It started off more prevalent in cold weather cities, but it is now nationwide. It was exclusive to only a few months of the year but can now be seen year round, even in Kansas City in July. What is this horrible, horrible problem? Women wearing scarves indoors, of course.
If any of you are at work, take a stroll through the maze of cubicles and I guarantee you will find at least 3 women wearing scarves. For every 100 miles you go north of the Mason-Dixon line, multiply that number by 2. Now I understand why a scarf should be worn, to keep your neck and part of your face warm in blustery weather. So why do you keep it on indoors? The office is set at 72 degrees with no breeze. “But I’m always cold” says every woman that has ever walked the earth. A few suggestions….

1) Buy a shirt that is more than 1/32 of an inch thick (seriously, the one week that I worked folding clothes at the mall, I realized that most women’s clothing is thinner than Always Save brand toilet paper. It’s ridiculous).
2) Put on a sweater.
3) Put on a shirt that covers your chest (only applicable to some).

If you only wear the scarf because you are cold, then why didn’t I see you wearing one back in 2003? And I swear I saw some girls wearing scarves in the middle of July here in Kansas City. Really, are you cold? At that same time my only goal isn’t to get pit stains from sweating so much, and you have a 6 foot long piece of wool wrapped around your neck. You know the long haired punk rock kid that wears a beanie year round while he skateboards? You look just as dumb.

Overall ladies, you look like f*cking idiots, like a cross between someone with whiplash and a Burmese python snake charmer. But you're doing it just to stay warm, right?

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you Matt,,,I too think that scarves being worn all the time looks stupid AND it's too hot.

Your truly,,,,a woman.

Mommy K said...

Oh, no. You hate me.
Love, your sister

P.S. Don't care. I love my scarves. I just bought a new one...with little fuzzy balls on the ends. HA!

Anonymous said...

Katie, pretty much everything Matt writes about that women do to annoy him, you do it.

PS - Fuzzy balls, seriously? If it cost anywhere near as much as the 50th handbag you have that sits in the closet, we are gonna have problems.

Bro-in-law

The Swindle Family said...

Matt Matt Matt...I LOVE scarves--
A. It keeps you warm
B. It thins out your face
C. It dresses up a normal t-shirt
D. You're just jealous

-Leah

Anonymous said...

This is all coming from the guy who tried to steal and wear my scarf (which I took off at lunch).. I sense jealousy, Matt Mac!

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