A Night In Lawrence, KS

So on Friday night, my friend Becca asked me to go to Lawrence with her, I guess a friend of hers is in a band and they were playing. Since nothing else was going on, I said "sure." Poor choice my friend. Poor choice.

The first sign that things weren't right was when we got to the bar, it wasn't open. It was almost 9 at night, and it was closed. Also, this "bar" looked like a house for a midget dutchman, it was TINY and for some reason looked like it had been moved from Scandanavia. Anyways, after having a drink at the bar across the street, the dutchman finally showed up at the bar and we were in. Oh, and this bar was supposedly a bar and a coffee house, yet the beer taps were broke as was the cappacino machine. Isn't that like Steak and Shake being out of both steaks and shakes? Wait, Steak and Shake doesn't even sell steaks, and don't give me that "steakburger" crap. It's a hamburger, just call it that.

Well, the booze was cheap, so I got a double gin and tonic for $3.50 and things were better. Then the dutchman tells me that once the door guy gets here, there is a cover charge because there is a band. Wait, so you're telling me I have to pay to get into a bar that I am already in? Someone needs to buy this guy "How To Run A Bar For Dummies." Also, it was about 8 degrees outside, and it appeared to be about 9 degrees in the bar, and yours truly didn't wear a coat. Another poor choice my friend.

So it's 10 by now and the first band, the one with my friends friend in it, starts to play. Ummm, they should keep their day jobs. There are 5 people in the band, and 4 of us watching them. That's right, no one else was there except the group I was with, and that meant the band outnumbered the fans. Not a good sign for a band. And in a random side note, the drummer was only 15 years old, and kept ordering Shirley Temples. I don't know why I find that so funny.

So crappy band #1 finishes up, and it's on to the main act. Here is my breakdown of these guys before they even played a note:

1) Drummer: A cool looking black dude. Anytime there is a black guy in a rock band, it's a good thing. It just doesn't happen too much. Kinda like the opposite of a white rapper, except in this case, it turns out he didn't suck.

2) Bass: No one notices or cares about the bass player, unless you are Flea. This guy was no Flea.

3) Keyboards: It would have been way cooler if he played the keytar, not the keyboards. He needs to look into that. **EDITORS NOTE** If you don't know what a Keytar is, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keytar

4) Vocals/Guitar: You know that weird guy in high school that was about 5'5", smelled kinda funky, always ran from class to class for no reason, never made eye contact with anyone, and never paid attention in class because he was too busy drawing comics, yet would ace every test because he was a freakin' genious? That was this guy.

5) Saxaphone: Yes, you heard me, I said saxaphone. He looked anorexic, and he totally had the Kenny G style sax. I think he was my favorite.

6) Trumpet: One word can describe this guy: F*CKING CREEPY!!! OK, so that was two words, but one word couldn't do him justice. Everyone else in the band was about 22, this guy was about 50. And do you all know Milton from Office Space, the guy that just wants his stapler back? This guy was Milton's long lost twin brother, it was downright odd how much they looked alike. If you don't know who Milton is, please see attached picture.

So the band starts playing, and it turns out they aren't bad, except for the fact they think they are the Greatful Dead and every song is 25 minutes long. By this point I couldn't feel my legs, and the door guy finally showed up, although at first I thought it was a homeless man that had wondered in to warm up. Sucks for him, the bar isn't any warmer than his cardboard house.

Well, from there we went to some other bar that tried to be really trendy and classy, my irritation level was now through the roof. I thought I would spend the night listening to some decent band in a college bar with $1 draws and wasted freshman girls that got in with their older sister's ID who would magically be attracted to an out of shape 24 year old who stands out because he isn't a frat douche with a pink polo shirt with the collar popped.

Boy was I wrong.