Not His Actual Jacket

- I have a new boss. His name is Mitch. He wears an American Flag jacket.

A National Epidemic

The past few years, I have noticed something. It started off small but has gradually kept growing and growing. At first it was just young women, but now it includes all ages. It started off more prevalent in cold weather cities, but it is now nationwide. It was exclusive to only a few months of the year but can now be seen year round, even in Kansas City in July. What is this horrible, horrible problem? Women wearing scarves indoors, of course.
If any of you are at work, take a stroll through the maze of cubicles and I guarantee you will find at least 3 women wearing scarves. For every 100 miles you go north of the Mason-Dixon line, multiply that number by 2. Now I understand why a scarf should be worn, to keep your neck and part of your face warm in blustery weather. So why do you keep it on indoors? The office is set at 72 degrees with no breeze. “But I’m always cold” says every woman that has ever walked the earth. A few suggestions….

1) Buy a shirt that is more than 1/32 of an inch thick (seriously, the one week that I worked folding clothes at the mall, I realized that most women’s clothing is thinner than Always Save brand toilet paper. It’s ridiculous).
2) Put on a sweater.
3) Put on a shirt that covers your chest (only applicable to some).

If you only wear the scarf because you are cold, then why didn’t I see you wearing one back in 2003? And I swear I saw some girls wearing scarves in the middle of July here in Kansas City. Really, are you cold? At that same time my only goal isn’t to get pit stains from sweating so much, and you have a 6 foot long piece of wool wrapped around your neck. You know the long haired punk rock kid that wears a beanie year round while he skateboards? You look just as dumb.

Overall ladies, you look like f*cking idiots, like a cross between someone with whiplash and a Burmese python snake charmer. But you're doing it just to stay warm, right?

Emo Kids

-Seriously, they are funny without even realizing it. I was trying to do a random post here about fat high school boys that wear skinny jeans, but after my extensive web research for a picture of that I couldn't find one. Ok, so I looked for about 27 seconds then came across this picture and gave up...but this is still funny in my book.
-I hate The Shane Company. No one outside of Kansas City will know what I'm talking about (unless this chain of jewelery stores is in more places than KC), but they have the most annoying radio commercials ever. I only listen to 3 radio stations, but about 33.8% of all commercials on these stations have the same annoying-ass monotone voice saying how their jewels are of high quality and....well, as I don't even know the rest because I change the station. Then there is a good chance that the station I change it to also is having a commercial for The Shane Company on at the same time, in which case I just drive off the nearest cliff. If for some reason I ever buy a piece of jewelery, I know that it will no be with the company owned by Mr. Tom Shane.
-So I found out the hard way that when Match.com says they have a guarentee of finding love, they only mean that they will give you 6 months free after you pay, and that after that 6 months is up they just bug the fuck out of you to sign up for 6 more months of Match.

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

Even though he will hate me later in life for it, I'm doing my best to turn Carter (and eventually the twins) into Royals fans. If I am succesfull, it means they will most likely be rooting for a team that is one giant collection of suck. Last season we went to a late season game and Carter got to run the bases after the game, which was really cool. For some reason the other day he saw baseball on TV and told his mom that he wanted to run the bases with Uncle Matt. There was a good foot of snow on the ground on this time. Anyways, Carter called me and said he wanted to run the bases, I said we could do it this summer, but he should go find his Royals #1 foam finger. He immediately put it on and Katie took a picture for me. She swears he was happy and smiling, but somehow this is the picture that turned out. Combine the optimism of the number one finger and the look of depression on his face, and Carter at the age of 2 has summed up the feelings of Royals fans everywhere.

I'M BAAAAAACK!!!!!!

Due to the overwelming support of you all and at the insistance of Natalia, Jistin, and Billy Mays himself, the Matt Mac Blog will be back up and running soon. Let me gather my thoughts and I'll put up something good shortly. Though I'm not saying the picture of the USC Song Girl with a super wedgie isn't good...
I seem to have lost my camera, so there might not be as many pictures as before, but that means plenty more room for my random thoughts.

Um...

...anyone even check this thing out anymore? Deciding if I should revive the Matt Mac blog.

Recipe

Here's the recipe for the jerk marinade from the last post...

Jamaican Jerk Sauce
6 Hot Peppers, anything from Jalapenos to Habaneros
2 Tablespoons Dried Thyme
2 Tablespoons Ground Allspice
1 Small Piece Fresh Ginger, peeled and roughly chopped
1 Bulb of Garlic (yes, a whole bulb), peeled
3 Onions, peeled and roughly chopped
2 Tablespoons Sugar
1 Tablespoon Salt
1 Teaspoon Pepper
½ Cup Olive Oil
½ Cup Soy Sauce
1 Cup Orange Juice
1 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar

Place all ingredients in a blender, blend until smooth. Save some of the marinade to use as a dipping sauce for cooked meat. Marinate meat overnight. I usually use chicken thighs or thin sliced pork loin, and this recipe makes a large amount of marinade so you can cook up to 10 pounds of meat. Grill meat over medium heat and enjoy!