The Matt Mac Blog

Not His Actual Jacket

2010-02-10T15:14:00.002-06:00

- I have a new boss. His name is Mitch. He wears an American Flag jacket.

A National Epidemic

2010-01-26T14:29:00.004-06:00

The past few years, I have noticed something. It started off small but has gradually kept growing and growing. At first it was just young women, but now it includes all ages. It started off more prevalent in cold weather cities, but it is now nationwide. It was exclusive to only a few months of the year but can now be seen year round, even in Kansas City in July. What is this horrible, horrible problem? Women wearing scarves indoors, of course.
If any of you are at work, take a stroll through the maze of cubicles and I guarantee you will find at least 3 women wearing scarves. For every 100 miles you go north of the Mason-Dixon line, multiply that number by 2. Now I understand why a scarf should be worn, to keep your neck and part of your face warm in blustery weather. So why do you keep it on indoors? The office is set at 72 degrees with no breeze. “But I’m always cold” says every woman that has ever walked the earth. A few suggestions….

1) Buy a shirt that is more than 1/32 of an inch thick (seriously, the one week that I worked folding clothes at the mall, I realized that most women’s clothing is thinner than Always Save brand toilet paper. It’s ridiculous).
2) Put on a sweater.
3) Put on a shirt that covers your chest (only applicable to some).

If you only wear the scarf because you are cold, then why didn’t I see you wearing one back in 2003? And I swear I saw some girls wearing scarves in the middle of July here in Kansas City. Really, are you cold? At that same time my only goal isn’t to get pit stains from sweating so much, and you have a 6 foot long piece of wool wrapped around your neck. You know the long haired punk rock kid that wears a beanie year round while he skateboards? You look just as dumb.

Overall ladies, you look like f*cking idiots, like a cross between someone with whiplash and a Burmese python snake charmer. But you're doing it just to stay warm, right?

Emo Kids

2010-01-20T02:49:00.002-06:00

-Seriously, they are funny without even realizing it. I was trying to do a random post here about fat high school boys that wear skinny jeans, but after my extensive web research for a picture of that I couldn't find one. Ok, so I looked for about 27 seconds then came across this picture and gave up...but this is still funny in my book.
-I hate The Shane Company. No one outside of Kansas City will know what I'm talking about (unless this chain of jewelery stores is in more places than KC), but they have the most annoying radio commercials ever. I only listen to 3 radio stations, but about 33.8% of all commercials on these stations have the same annoying-ass monotone voice saying how their jewels are of high quality and....well, as I don't even know the rest because I change the station. Then there is a good chance that the station I change it to also is having a commercial for The Shane Company on at the same time, in which case I just drive off the nearest cliff. If for some reason I ever buy a piece of jewelery, I know that it will no be with the company owned by Mr. Tom Shane.
-So I found out the hard way that when Match.com says they have a guarentee of finding love, they only mean that they will give you 6 months free after you pay, and that after that 6 months is up they just bug the fuck out of you to sign up for 6 more months of Match.

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

2010-01-19T00:33:00.002-06:00

Even though he will hate me later in life for it, I'm doing my best to turn Carter (and eventually the twins) into Royals fans. If I am succesfull, it means they will most likely be rooting for a team that is one giant collection of suck. Last season we went to a late season game and Carter got to run the bases after the game, which was really cool. For some reason the other day he saw baseball on TV and told his mom that he wanted to run the bases with Uncle Matt. There was a good foot of snow on the ground on this time. Anyways, Carter called me and said he wanted to run the bases, I said we could do it this summer, but he should go find his Royals #1 foam finger. He immediately put it on and Katie took a picture for me. She swears he was happy and smiling, but somehow this is the picture that turned out. Combine the optimism of the number one finger and the look of depression on his face, and Carter at the age of 2 has summed up the feelings of Royals fans everywhere.

I'M BAAAAAACK!!!!!!

2010-01-16T10:20:00.003-06:00

Due to the overwelming support of you all and at the insistance of Natalia, Jistin, and Billy Mays himself, the Matt Mac Blog will be back up and running soon. Let me gather my thoughts and I'll put up something good shortly. Though I'm not saying the picture of the USC Song Girl with a super wedgie isn't good...
I seem to have lost my camera, so there might not be as many pictures as before, but that means plenty more room for my random thoughts.

Um...

2010-01-11T23:15:00.002-06:00

...anyone even check this thing out anymore? Deciding if I should revive the Matt Mac blog.

Recipe

2009-08-26T12:42:00.000-05:00

Here's the recipe for the jerk marinade from the last post...

Jamaican Jerk Sauce
6 Hot Peppers, anything from Jalapenos to Habaneros
2 Tablespoons Dried Thyme
2 Tablespoons Ground Allspice
1 Small Piece Fresh Ginger, peeled and roughly chopped
1 Bulb of Garlic (yes, a whole bulb), peeled
3 Onions, peeled and roughly chopped
2 Tablespoons Sugar
1 Tablespoon Salt
1 Teaspoon Pepper
½ Cup Olive Oil
½ Cup Soy Sauce
1 Cup Orange Juice
1 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar

Place all ingredients in a blender, blend until smooth. Save some of the marinade to use as a dipping sauce for cooked meat. Marinate meat overnight. I usually use chicken thighs or thin sliced pork loin, and this recipe makes a large amount of marinade so you can cook up to 10 pounds of meat. Grill meat over medium heat and enjoy!

Immitating My Mom

2009-08-18T20:16:00.006-05:00

So my Mama Sue recently started a food blog, The Faithfull Foodie http://faithfulfoodie.wordpress.com/, that is becoming quite popular and she is having a great time doing it. This inspired me to do a food post on here, although since I'm much lazier than my mother, I'm only doing one post not an entire blog, and wont' post the recipe unless anyone asks for it. But other than that, it's just like The Faithful Foodie. Well, my language and jokes I'm sure are a little more coarse as well. But I digress. I recently had my first crop of jalapeno's from my garden (do not ask me about my tomatoes, or what are really just tomato plants since not one friggin' tomato actually formed), so I decided to make some Jamaican Jerk Pork for my sweetie. OK, so my sweetie is just my roomate Killa. But it is his favorite meal.

Here are my first 6 beautiful jalapenos. Actually, they are numbers 2-7 as there was one early bird a few weeks ago that I ate with some cheese and crackers, but I consider that just a test run. Aren't I such a green thumb?
I probably could have bought these at thre grocery store for about 18 cents...

Here's the batch of the jerk sauce/marinade. Yes, it makes a ton, so you just have to have a lot of meat to marinade, plus save some for a dipping sauce.

Since my recipe for the marinade makes an entire blender full, I decided to go all out and get 8 pounds of meat. I've done chicken in the past but wanted to mix it up a little. Plus pork was on sale. So I bought 8 pounds of pork chops you ask? Hell no, that's for suckers. I got an 8 pound pork loin and decided to do the butchering myself. Here I wanted to have something next to "the loin" for comparison's sake, so here's Woody checking things out.

I can't tell if he wants to kill it or make love to it.

It got even longer once it came out of the package. That's what she said...

Here it is with about 1/3 of the meat cut into thin chops for the marinade and placed in a baggie, 1/3 cut into thick chops to cook later, and 1/3 still in the form of "the loin," though I later cut that into thin chops for the second baggie.

After marinating overnight and grilling over medium heat, here's the finished product.

So I totally just had a revelation. How can a white boy like me from Missouri (pronounced Mizzeruh so it sounds trashier) cook such good Jamaican food? Because my all time favorite movie is Cool Runnings and I played in a reggae band for about a week. PEACE BE THE JOURNEY!!!

Random Things In My Head

2009-08-12T23:36:00.002-05:00

- If you eat dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings, make sure you wash your hands BEFORE you take a piss, not just afterwards. Trust me on that one.
- So if you couldn't tell from the previous comment, I was at B-Dubs tonight (Buffalo Wild Wings), and I noticed they had 4 bottles of UV Vodka at the bar. Grape, Cherry, Apple, and.......... Blue. Um, what tree does the Blue fruit grow on? What is the scientific name of the Blue plant? And I kinda want to make a joke right now that involves Kool-Aid, but I won't.
- I've noticed that it is socially acceptable to take your dog to public places or other peoples houses (probably since you can't leave them home alone) and everyone is supposed to be OK with it, even if there wasn't any permission given to take the dog there in the first place. While I don't hate dogs like I used to, they still aren't my favorite thing ever. I think in retaliation of that I'm going to just start showing up with my cat to random places and see if people are cool with it, with my main focus being to take Woody to peoples houses that have dogs. First off, I am confident in this since every time Woodrow has come face to face with a dog he beats their ass (even chasing a full sized Boxer down the street), plus I just want to see how awkward it gets at the socail gathering I come to with a cat.
- If you are hanging out with a girl who is a stripper but she isn't working, but then she takes her top off, are you still supposed to tip her? I'm seriously not joking here, this happened to me the other week.
- In case you were wondering, I gave her a dollar. And she took it. Without using her hands.
- Yes, she only had her top off, I'm not that dirty.

That's it kids, I'm going to bed.

Natalia, are you happy now?

So I Need To Fall In Love With Someone Named Matt McLaughlin?

2009-07-20T14:24:00.001-05:00

Kelly Hildebrandt is in love with Kelly Hildebrandt, and soon they'll be married.
It's been a whirlwind romance for the guy and gal who share the same name, and it all started with an innocent Facebook message.
"She started off 'Hey, I saw we have the same name,and I thought it was kind of cool, Just wanted to say hi I guess. LOL,'" the male Kelly said.
Kelly the female, from Coral Springs, was curious to see profiles of people with the same name when she happened across Kelly the male in Lubbock, Texas.
"I searched my own name and he's the only one who came up and actually in the picture he didn't have a shirt on and I was like oh he's cute," said the female Kelly.
Three weeks later, male kelly flew to South Florida to meet female Kelly, and they hit it off immediately.
And now in just three months, the Hildebrandts will officially be married.
"We get a couple of the same reactions, usually it's like 'whoa, that's so awesome and totally different,'" said female Kelly, 20.
Male Kelly, 24, has moved down to Florida and plans on working at the new branch for his company, Primerica Financial. Female Kelly is finishing up her studies at Palm Beach Community College.
The wedding will be at Lighthouse Point Yacht Club in October, a quick turnaround -- just eight months after the two first met -- though male Kelly has no reservations.
"I felt like there was a good possibility that before I ever came out to meet her in person, that this could be the girl I'm gonna marry," he said.
The marriage won't be without problems. In fact, one problem has already presented itself before the two have even stepped foot on the altar.
"He's even already got some mail coming in, and we have to open everything, because we don't know whose mail is whose," said female Kelly.

World Series Home Field Advantage!!!

2009-07-14T22:38:00.003-05:00

Good news everyone, with the American League's triumph in the All Star game, the Royals are assured of home field advantage once they clinch the American League pennant. Royals Fever....Catch It!!!

R.I.P. Billy Mays

2009-07-03T03:14:00.005-05:00

It's been a somber time in the Woody Hayes household... my roomate Ben lost his non-biological father this week. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Holy Crap, It's Been Three Months

2009-06-30T22:28:00.004-05:00

Sorry kids, I really don't have an excuse, I've just been lazy. Speaking of lazy, there is something that really bugs me. You know those electric shopping carts that they have at grocery stores that are meant for little old ladies to do their once a week shopping, or someone with a broken leg who can't walk? Well, how often do you see a little old lady using one? Or someone who is actually injured? Can I ask any more questions in a row...?
But seriously, the only people you ever see in these things are overweight white trash twinkie eating fat asses. And the occasional teenager as in the picture above, which is still annoying. I couldn't find a better picture, but at least these teens seem like they like twinkies and look pretty damn WT. But back to fat people riding on the scooters. Ever thought that the reason you are fat is that you are so lazy that you can't even walk while picking out your pork rinds and oatmeal cream pies for the week? F*ck excersizing for 30 minutes a day, you get winded walking from your trailer to your 1987 Astro Van. But at least you have a handicap tag so you can park close to the store. Why do you have a handicap tag? Because you have diabetes. Why do you have diabetes? Because you are fat. Why are you fat? Because you can't even walk down a grocery store aisle under your own power. It's like The Circle of Life for people from the Ozarks. But I picture that theme song being sung by Meatloaf, not Elton John.

Now that I have that off my chest, here are a few updates.

- So I am finally on Facebook, and my employer recently allowed Facebook to be used at work. I feel like I should un-friend my boss, just for safety's sake.
- Speaking of Facebook, my Dad talks trash to me about how many friends he has compared to me. He doesn't know how to send a text message but he is the self proclaimed King of Facebook. At least for the Community of Christ crowd.
- Online dating. Quite possibly the lamest thing since that one season of Saved by the Bell where they replaced Kelly Kapowski with Tori, the dyke looking girl in the leather jacket. Which due to the powers of Wikipedia, I recently found out that the actress who played that character really is a lesbian. Wonder if they asked that while casting her. But anyways, online dating is awesomely bad, but I am almost to my 6 months free because I haven't found my soulmate. All I did find was a few girls who I wasted buying drinks for at some happy hours and a bat shiat crazy asian girl who refused to leave her dog home alone and who covered her entire kitchen floor with pee pads so there wouldn't be any accidents, even though she never left it home alone. She did NOT appreciate my "it's just a dog" comment. In fact she hung up, didn't answer my call back or texts and I've never heard from her since. Wonder why she's single. Maybe having "Made in Korea" tattooed on her lower back should have been a warning sign that she was a little off.

That's all for now folks, I'll try to do updates on a semi-regular basis. Natalia, you happy now? Since I'm doing this now I might not have time to work on my resume for your lady friends regarding your wedding.

Go Royals!!!

Just Temporarily

2009-03-26T21:30:00.004-05:00

OK Kids, I know I've sucked at posting this year, but late winter/early spring is my busy season, mostly due to volleyball. Right now is also end of quarter at work, so I'm super super busy right now (but not as busy as you parents, I know). It will be tough, but I know you all can get through this. Stop back by in late April/early May and I'll be back in the saddle. And extra apologies go out to Natalia and Leah, two of my biggest fans, who have bugged me to put up new posts. For you two I have a special message....GET BACK TO WORK!!!

Your friend and my favorite,

Matt

GO ROYALS!!!

Quote of the Day

2009-02-20T10:32:00.002-06:00

I went over to Cartee's apartment last night and he had some neighbors over, two of which were gay guys (named Toby and Keith, kinda funny) who had somewhat recently broken up but still lived together. Anyways, I heard the funniest line I've heard in a long time. From Keith, "Remember, the small spoon doesn't get farted on." Wow.

Say A Prayer For The Boy's Boys

2009-01-27T22:43:00.005-06:00

Everyone needs to keep the twins (Tristan and Tyler, not mine...hehe) in their thoughts and prayers today, as they are going to see the Dick Doctor. One of them (not sure which...they are twins) has some sort of "bumps" down below, and the other one...well...the other one needs to go in for circumcision #2. Excuse me, I think I need to go throw up.

Hang in their boys!!! No pun intended.

America, F*ck Yeah

2009-01-21T03:01:00.006-06:00

In the words of one of our nations great poets, Mr. Ice Cube...Today It Was A Good Day.

Here's to you Mr. President, God Bless, and Good Luck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS-FoXbjVI

And I realize that this song doesn't make much sense now that Bush is OOO (out of office for you non-office workers), but for some reason it is the song that makes me the most patriotic. And for the first time in my adult life, I can actually feel patriotic. AMERICA, F*CK YEAH!!!

My Roomate

2009-01-15T21:57:00.006-06:00

If Billy Mays, the star of such infomercials as "Oxyclean," "OrangeGlow," and "Kaboom".....
.....and Macho Man Randy Savage, the six time world champion of WCW and WWF.....

.....had a bastard love child who loved tattoos and rock music.....

.....he would look just like my roomate Ben.

Woody Hayes Says Merry Christmas!!!

2009-01-15T19:43:00.009-06:00

Yeah, Woody still likes climbing the tree. Notice the lack of ornaments? I didn't even bother putting any up this year because all he does is knock them off. My tree looked very "minimalist."

But without further ado, here are the pics I took of Christmas '08. Not a whole lot happened, just spent quite a bit of quality time with the fam. The crew came down from the QC a few days before Christmas, and even though I couldn't take any time off work, we still maximized our time together.

Here are a few pics from Christmas morning. Carter got approximately 2,437 presents, and I got 3. But I got what I asked for, and Carter seemed happy. Although the two things he played with most were some soup cans and an old doll he found in the basement. Next year I'm getting him a balloon and some bubble wrap.
Here are the twins in their holiday outfits. I would tell you which is which, but....well...I have no clue. Katie, can I get some help here?

Here they are lounging with me while I watched a replay of the '97 Rose Bowl between TOSU and ASU. The sad thing is I knew the first name of every single Buckeye in the game, and even half of the Arizona State team. Jake Plummer, you were anoying as hell, and Pat Tillman, get a haircut. And RIP too.

The day after Christmas I had to work, and that evening everyone came to my condo to chill. Here is the whole gang watching TV after feasting on frozen pizza.
Here I am giving Carter a sip of my ginger ale. Dad freaked out because he thought it was a cocktail, but I told him I wouldn't let Carter drink until he was at least 17.

While Ken was worrying about the ginger ale "cocktail," Carter snuck off and had a shot of Jim Beam. He was a little pissed I didn't have any Johnny or Jack, but he got over it.

"YEEE HAWWWW!!! THIS SHIT IS GOOD!!!"

"LET'S GO STREAKING IN THE QUAD!!!"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A QUAD IS, BUT THIS MATTRESS SURE MAKES A FUN SLIDE!!!"

OK, so Carter wasn't really drinking, but Katie and Carl forgot his sippy cup and he was thirsty. Shockingly, it wasn't my idea to use a shot glass (it was Carl's), but he LOVED the thing, it was just his size.

Lastly, here I am with all my boys. I miss them already and can't wait to see them again. I talk to Carter every day on the phone (I use the term "talk" loosely), and can't wait until the twins are old enough to do the same.

All in all it was a great Christmas, I can't wait until next year!

Yeah, I Know

2009-01-13T21:50:00.003-06:00

Apologies for the long delay in blog posts, but I've been a busy boy lately. And by "busy," I mean I have no friggin downtime at work, volleyball started up, the holidays, and I have a new girlfriend.

OK, so I made up the girlfriend part. I swear I'll have two new posts shortly, one of Christmas and one of my recent trip to Florida. To make up for my time away, here is a picture of Lindsay Lohan back when she was hot and not a lesbian.

Weddings

2008-12-02T10:36:00.004-06:00

So I'm in a wedding this weekend, and am of course dateless, although when I send back the RSVP card I am always optimistic that I'll have a date by the time the wedding rolls around, which rarely happens. Anyone want to go with me? You'll have to have chicken at the reception though, that's what I put you down for. If I get no answers my roomate's going with me. But I'll make him be the girl when we slow dance.

Also, this is the first of 4 weddings I am in the next 8 months. Not just going to, but have to rent a tux for. That's close to $500 worth of tuxes for all of you keeping score at home, plus buying the shoes for Ben's wedding, and I'm getting a mohawk for his wedding as well (bride and grooms request). I think I need to start being a crappier friend so I can save some cash.

Why Men Are Suckers

2008-11-24T22:16:00.004-06:00

So I went to the mall today to buy some shoes that I have to wear in a friends wedding next weekend (all black Chuck Taylor All-Stars to go along with the tux, nice call Benny) and as I'm leaving a fine young lady calls me over because she has a question for me. Since I'm a male and a female was wanting something from me, I of course said OK. Well she looked exactly like a smaller version of Shakira with a nose ring (yes, I realize that Shakira is tiny, but this chick was super tiny), an accent that was just as sexy (3/4th from Israel, 1/4th from New York I found out later), and she was selling these Dead Sea skin care products from a super nice looking kiosk. $54.78 later I was the proud owner of some salt exfoliation crap and some mud soap. I swear that I've pretty much never been talked into buying something from a sales person in my life, but if I were an Eskimo and lil' Ruthie was selling ice, I'm pretty sure I still would have been buying.

Fuck, I'm not saying that I need to find Mrs Right, but I really need to at least find Mrs Right Now.

Hanging With The Nephews

2008-11-13T20:04:00.007-06:00

After my fun filled night of watching Obama make history and then reliving the glory days with Killa, I treked the rest of the way across Iowa to hang out with Carter, Tristan, and Tyler (and their parents, too). All we did the whole weekend was hang out, i think I only left the house twice during the three days, once to take the twins to the doctor and once to pick up sushi for Katie and I. The twins were sick but were in amazing spirits considering, and Carter took to me right away and we played quite a bit. If I left the room he would yell for me, and anything I did he had to do too, including going to the bathroom. Overall it was an awesome, relaxing time. I also brought the boys a bunch of OSU gifts, and here they are sporting some of the new gear. It's also my first ever picture with all three of them, and while the twins aren't looking at the camera, hey, it's the best we could do.
Here is a picture of Carter after eating dinner. He pretty much insisted that I sit with him while he ate, and I also gave him a ton of ranch to dip his chicken in, which apparently isn't the norm. He ended up just eating the ranch with his fingers. It was one of many things I did that isn't in his routine, such as I found out he LOVES root beer.

I mentioned the young ones were sick, and here we are after their doctors appointment at the drive through at CVS Pharmacy. Of course they both got hungry at the same time and were screaming their heads off, so I had to lean into the back and feed both at once. I'm a multi-tasker.

The boys were also put on breathing machines, and of course Carter didn't want to be left out so he kept messing with them while they were doing their treatments. I distracted him by asking him to "help" me cook dinner. Here we are pealing potatoes, and he did an awesome job of rinsing them off for me. Of course he would then put them right back in the bowl that had dirt in it, but whatever. This actually kept his attention for quite a while.

This is how Carter rolls. No pants and a frog backpack. I tried rolling like that once and that's how I ended up banned from the State Fair and on two years probation.

Me and Cart-man at the start of the OSU-Northwestern game. The Brutus Buckeye doll on the right he already had, and I got him his own necklace and OSU teddy bear that he's sporting. Oh, and of course I got him the jersey last Christmas.

Tyler (I think) and I watching the game as well. He really was focused. Also, Carter refers to both of the boys as Tri-Tri (the beginning of Tristan) and I might do the same since I can't tell them apart.

Here is what his onesie said, he wore it just for Great Uncle Ed.

"Mom" says Carter. "My beer is empty, grab me a cold one from the fridge."

OK, so maybe that's not what he said, but I did teach him to throw my empties away for me, and I even made sure he carried it with two hands so he wouldn't drop it. I bet by this summer he'll even be able to fetch me new beers. Ah, kids are great.

Why do they look so uncomfortable? Dad made them change into Iowa gear for their game against Penn State. Although it was an awesome game, I will say that.

OK, so I swear I'm eating better these days and working out (hey, I've lost a few pounds), but I did get the tenderloin sandwich from a local bar in Davenport that we got on Saturday night. That is a normal sized tomatoe slice, and the container it is in is your standard full size carry out box. This thing lasted me two meals and a snack (not joking) and was only 8 bucks.

Well, I had a great time with the boys, and enjoyed the company of Katie and Carl too. Thanks Hoyts!!!

Halloween, Election, and Lamoni

2008-11-13T19:23:00.007-06:00

On Halloween, Jistin, my roomate Ben, and I decided to go as the Beastie Boys in the "Sabotage" music video. They may have been able to grow real mustaches, but I had a real police badge, compliments of ex-cop Carrie. Thanks Carrie!!!
Now on to Election Day, which as most of you could guess made me very excited. I woke up about an hour and a half before I normally do to go vote at the elementary school right by my house, and the line wasn't too bad. I only waited for about 30 minutes or so, and was in and out in a total of 40. I also ran into a good friend from High School, a guy I used to go to church with, I knew the cop that was there, and the lady that checked me in knew my parents.
Anyways, after anxiously going through the work day, I went straight to my friend Tommy's house on the Plaza so we could watch all the election results. I took the rest of the week off, and Tommy took Wednesday off so we could make a night out of it. I brought some beverages for us and we would watch CNN and then switch to Fox News when we wanted something to laugh at. At about 9:30 or so we headed out to a bar and were eating dinner when they called it for Obama. There were at least 50 people there and the bar erupted into cheers, and everyone yelled at the bartender to turn the music off and turn the TV volumes on. I must say that McCains concession speech was quite amazing, and it's sad that he couldn't have run his whole camaign that way, but he had to sell his soul to tow the line for the Republicans. Of course we loved the speech by Obama, and the scene in Grant Park was spectacular. There were two black guys at the bar, and both were crying during the speech which was pretty moving. We then moved on to another bar that was pretty much empty except for a really good band and about 12 young black people. Since I had on my Obama shirt they immediately liked me and Tommy, and they were buying us drinks. All in all a VERY cool night.

The next morning I woke up and headed up to Lamoni for the night to hang out with my old roomate Killa, who is now finishing up his doctorate at Graceland. Oh wait, still his undergrad but it is year 7. My mistake. We just chilled, ate Pizza Shack, played wii, and played some beer pong with two guys I played volleyball with that were still up in Lamoni.

Oh, and we did some Irish Car Bombs. Delicious.

Things I Hate

2008-10-31T14:25:00.002-05:00

- Comcast. After a year of my cable not working correctly, I finally am on The Dish Network through AT&T. But not before The Dish had to come out 3 different times to install everything due to things that Comcast screwed up. I'm now paying less and am getting more channels plus DVR.
- Sarah Palin.
- Sarah Palin's accent.
- Sarah Palin's slang.
- Everything that comes out of Sarah Palin's mouth.
- People that hated Hilary Clinton because she was an outspoken female but like Sarah Palin because...well, I have no idea why anyone likes Sarah Palin because everything she says doesn't make any fucking sense. You betcha!!!
- People that chew with their mouth open, especially when you sit in a cubicle 10 feet away from me and constanty chew on vitamin drops.
- Women that are constantly cold. I may have bitched about this one already, but I hate it that much. First off, all you eat is two salads a day with fat free dressing on the side(that you don't finish anyways) and a bowl of soup. I should say a bowl of broth because you don't even eat the good stuff. If you had more than 4% bodyfat you'd be warmer. Your not cold, you're semi-Anorexic. Second, you're wearing a short sleeve blouse that is so thin I'm surprised you can't see nipple, as well as a skirt and heels. You know what? Eat a fucking hamburger and put on a sweater. Until then, shut the hell up.
- People that send political emails where there is nothing cited and the text is in some bubble, cartoonish font. Yeah, base your beliefs on something that looks like it was typed by a 6th grade Hannah Montana fanatic. Oh wait, you already have your beliefs and just cling on to anything that looks like it may back you up, even if it's all made up shit. Hey, did you hear that Obama is going to take the oath of office on the Koran? I also got an email where there cited their stuff from Wikipedia. You know, the online encylopedia that ANYONE can edit. By the way, every single one of the emails has been in support of McCain. Republicans - actuall brain use optional.
- Sarah Palin.

Alright, there's my rant of the day. I'm doing some Halloween parties this weekend, and then have quite the week following that. Tuesday I'm hanging out with Tommy Brooks while we watch what unfolds with the election and then hit the town, Wednesday I'm going to Lamoni to hang with Killa and go golfing, and then Thursday I'm driving over to hang with the Hoyts. I'll have plenty of pics from the fun filled week.

Nashville

2008-10-12T14:01:00.006-05:00

Last weekend I made the trek out to Nashville, TN (there is a Nashville, Indiana, so I'm just clarifying) to meet up with ol' Pat Lewis. Pat lives in Atlanta now but went to school at Vanderbilt, and this is the second year in a row we've met up for a 48 hour bender, er...I mean a nice relaxing guys weekend. He always has a free hotel room from rewards points, and I've always used a free flight on Southwest, so we are able to do NashVegas on the cheap. We just so happened to pick the weekend of the Auburn vs Vandy football game, which ended up being the biggest win in the Commodore's history (which is kinda like taking first place at the special olympics...which is a reference to one of my favorite jokes...man, i'm an asshole and am going to hell).

At any rate, after arriving on Friday night we dropped our stuff off at the hotel and headed down to music row. Below is the first bar we went to, and no it is not an actual double wide trailer, but it does look like one. It was cool but they tried a little to hard to be all white trashy. They did have cheap pitchers of PBR though.
We soon headed over to The Stage, which is one of the famous music bars in Nashville. We chilled on the balcony area and met this couple which were cool as hell. Me, Pat, and Bill (one of Pat's college buddies that I know pretty well from when I stayed with the two of them in London for a week back in '03) where pretty much being huge pervs and were just trying to look down girls tops on the lower level (once again, I'm going to hell) when these two caught on to our game and decided to help us out. We ended up hanging out with them most of the night and even ran into them the next day. They were actually from Cincinnati, so that was cool.

We ended the night at some Karaoke bar where 1) I almost got kicked out for spitting on the floor, 2) We shared a table with a bunch of 19 year old ladies who didn't look a day over 16...ah college, and 3) There was this random middle aged man passed out cold.
On to Saturday, and this is what our sink looked like at 9 am. Because of the sink becoming a cooler, I used the tub faucet to brush my teeth. Pat? No, he just spit in the ice, so we had used toothpaste spit all over the beer. Ah well, i guess getting whiter teeth while you drink isn't too bad.
Around 11 we headed over to Sam's, which is my favorite bar of all time (which is saying something). I won't even try to describe it because no words can describe how cool it is. Here is our breakfast of champions. Although Pat's yeast infection started acting up and after two drinks we headed back to the hotel for a quick nap. Pussy.
This is around noon. At a bar.
After the nap we headed down to campus for some tailgating action, then headed back to Sam's to watch the game. The Ohio State game was on the big screen next to the main big screen that was showing the Vandy game, so that was cool. Anyways, here are two signs that were at a tailgate we passed, which was the Top 25 Signs Not Seen At Gameday (yes, ESPN College Gameday was in town). Click on the pic to enlarge.

Here is a picture of our second home for the weekend.
Here we are with random middle aged woman that bought us a shot. No idea what her name was, but she was taking Patron shots by herself so I selflessly offered to take one with her (she bought them of course). Turns out her daughter is a freshman at Vandy, so she couldn't come out to the bars. Anyways, she then started talking about how her daughter is called a prude because she isn't randomly hooking up with guys, and she was saying her advice to the daughter was that vibrators are better than guys anyways. Yeah, it was kinda akward.
This is the last picture of the weekend, and I honestly don't remember why Pat had his shirt unbuttoned.
All and all it was an awesome weekend, and we are already planning on what weekend we are going to do it next year.

P.S. I know you all are wondering what the joke is, and it is...What's the only thing better than finishing first at the special olympics? Not being ret..... ok, I can't even write the rest of that, I'm not even that crude. But you did chuckle. Once again, I'm going to hell...

Thursday

2008-10-02T19:03:00.002-05:00

- I have pink eye. What adult gets pink eye?
- I have multiple canker sores that hurt like a mother farker. Why the hell do I get them so much?
- My chest and back still feel weird from when Genz punched me almost three weeks ago. I did get x-rays and nothing was cracked, but I think I need to go to a chiropractor.
- As you can see, I'm falling apart.

Wednesday Afternoon

2008-10-01T16:27:00.006-05:00

I'm sitting here at work, and I thought I'd write a little update since I just wrapped up the end of our quarter, I haven't taken a lunch break in a few weeks, and frankly I don't feel like working for the last few minutes that I'm here. Crap, my boss reads my blog on occasion I think. Just kidding Melissa, it's 10 at night and I'm online running some orders through!!!
- Well jailbait is already out of the equation. I confirmed that she is indeed 19, turning 20 in December (Fish thought she was turning 21 in December), and then a few hours later Fish found out that her type of guy is "tall, skinny, blonde, drives a truck, and chews Skoal." Um....I'm 5'10", have a double chin, tits bigger than some girls, drive a '99 Camry with a dent in the front bumper from hitting the worlds largest Racoon (I swear it was the size of a Golden Retriever), and the closest I get to Skoal is Big League Chew. Thinking about it all from a sane point of view, this is probably for the best though. Seriously...19. I am going to a HS soccer game tonight, gonna scope out some of the babes. 17 is legal in Missouri.
- Calm down everyone, I'm totally kidding. I swear. That's gross.
- The Royals didn't finish in last place. Holla!!!
- I pretty much quit Howl at the Moon. I work through October 18th and then I'm done until May when volleyball is over, but I doubt I'll actually go back then. I at least say I'm going back so I can get the employee discount for longer. It was fun while it lasted, but I never got to beat anyone up, so I've still never been in a fight. Damn.
- For all of my blog fans out there, I found out one that I think even tops mine. It's done by Robyn Bradshaw, who is a good friend of Carls, and it's about her returning to the dating scene after an 8 year absence. It is truly hilarious, and it has inspired me to step up my game. Check it out at http://thelifeandtimesofadateslut.blogspot.com/
- Apparently her last name isn't Bradshaw, but I've never seen Sex and the City (I may have some gay tendancies, but that is not one of them) so I didn't get the joke. I invited Robyn on a date here in Kansas City, and while I know that is doubtful maybe something will work out when I'm in the QC next. She recently did a list of Pro's and Con's of guys she's gone on dates with, so I will save her the hassle of making a list about me and do it myself. Since it is "late" and "i'm going to bed soon (leaving work)", that will be my next post. The new and improved "Why You Should Date Me (And Also Why You Shouldn't)."

Later Kids

P.S. The new colors are because baseball (Royals) season is now over and I'm full time back into football (THE Ohio State University).

Random Update

2008-09-28T20:21:00.006-05:00

Sorry for taking so long between posts, I really have no excuse except that I'm lazy. Here's an update on what's going on in my life, plus a few random thoughts.
- What's worse than failing at dating? Failing at online dating. I went on a second date last week with this chick Shannon, and it did not go well. I was having a hard time explaining why I wasn't interested at all, but when I would then mention that she had 4 cats and admitted her apartment kinda smelled and had cat hair everywhere, that summed it up. Now if she looked like Erin Andrews and had 4 cats I wouldn't care at all, but she looked more like, uh, I can't think of anything creative here, she just wasn't all that cute. Plus her arms were bigger than mine, which is a sad assesment of both of us.
- The same night as my sad-ass date, my 6 month subscription to match.com expired, and I didn't renew. So I'm a fucking online dating loser. I'm eating a bag of Funyons and a pint of Ben and Jerry's while watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants as we speak.
- So my good friend Fish is trying to hook me up with one of her coworkers. No, not one of her coworkers from her job as a lawyer, but her side job as a waitress at a BBQ joint. Oh, so she's another waitress? No, she's a hostess, like 19 or 20 years old. Now I went up there tonight to get a carry out order and scope her out, and she actually seemed really nice and was cute. She might only be 19, but she looks at least 17. Wait a second... But I hear she reads at a sophmore level (a few of you might get that joke. Van Wilder. Look it up.)
So if I take out a 19 year old what do we do? Go Bowling? Mini-Golf? Chucky Cheeses? A movie? Can she even get in to rated R movies? Seriously, a whole date that doesn't involve drinks...this could be weird. Maybe I'll confiscate an ID from a young blonde that I card at the bar, and presto, she has a fake ID.
- Why does anyone ever go to Arby's and get anything besides the 5 for $5.95 deal? For about the same price you can get a roast beef combo meal, so one sandwich, an order of fries, and a drink. Or get the 5 for 5.95 deal and you get 3 sandwiches and fries and a drink. Or 2 sandwiches, fries, a desert, and a drink. Or you do what I do and get 4 sandwiches, onion straws, and a water. Bam, two meals for $5.95.
- I've realized that the sound of someone eating an apple might be the most annowing sound ever. I don't even eat an apple off the core anymore myself, I cut it up at work with a plastic knife on a styrofoam plate (which is a special talent I must say), just so I don't run the risk of annoying myself.
- Dammit, I have two cats right now. Does that make me the weird creepy cat dude? One's only a loner cat that I'm watching for a friend until January, so I think I'm still somewhat normal.

I'm tired and going to bed. Holla at you all later.

Why I'm Fat

2008-09-05T16:47:00.001-05:00

The study was published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

Food for thought: Intellectual activities make people eat more than when just resting, according to a study that sheds new light on brain food. This finding might also help explain the obesity epidemic of an increasingly sedentary society in which people still have to think now and then. Researchers split 14 university student volunteers into three groups for a 45-minute session of either relaxing in a sitting position, reading and summarizing a text, or completing a series of memory, attention, and vigilance tests on the computer. The scientists had determined beforehand that the thinking sessions consumed only three calories more than resting. After the sessions, the participants were invited to eat as much as they pleased. Though the study involved a very small number of participants, the results were stark. The students who had done the computer tests downed 253 more calories, or 29.4 percent more than the couch potatoes. Those who had summarized a text consumed 203 more calories than the resting group. Blood samples taken before, during, and after revealed that intellectual work causes much bigger fluctuations in glucose levels than rest periods, perhaps owing to the stress of thinking. The researchers figure the body reacts to these fluctuations by demanding food to restore glucose, a sugar that is the brain's fuel. Glucose is converted by the body from carbohydrates and is supplied to the brain via the bloodstream. The brain cannot make glucose and so needs a constant supply. Brain cells need twice as much energy as other cells in the body. Without exercise to balance the added intake, however, such "brain food" is probably not smart. Various studies in animals have shown that consuming fewer calories overall leads to sharper brains and longer life, and most researchers agree that the findings apply, in general, to humans. And, of course, eating more can make you fat. "Caloric overcompensation following intellectual work, combined with the fact that we are less physically active when doing intellectual tasks, could contribute to the obesity epidemic currently observed in industrialized countries," said lead researcher Jean-Philippe Chaput at Laval University in Quebec City, Canada. "This is a factor that should not be ignored, considering that more and more people hold jobs of an intellectual nature," the researcher concluded. The study was published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

Thoughts on Palin

2008-09-05T13:11:00.003-05:00

I usually don't get all political, but the following is a reprint from a family email I sent out, and Carl requested that I post it on here. Soon after this, we all got banned from political talk in the family email chains. I guess the GOPers don't want to hear about what flawed...err, different... logic they have.

I think usually the VP pick doesn't really matter much, it's kinda like getting free oil changes when you buy a car. Sure it's nice, but that shouldn't sway your decision on what car to buy. However since McCain is old as dirt and has had some health issues, I think it comes a little more into play this time around.

First, I feel extrememly sorry for Bristol Palin for getting thrown into the spotlight, I hope she can handle it. One thing I question though is that if Sarah Palin is such a family person, then why would she run for a demanding job when she has a 5 month old child with disabilities and a 17 year old pregnant daughter? I know she'll be able to get the best nannies around, but there's no way she can be that involved in those kids lives as VP. On the same note, if the Palins want privacy for their daughter, then they need to keep her private herself. You can't complain about it and then have the daughter and the baby daddy pose for photo ops with McCain and put them on stage. Here's a link to what I think is a good article about the issue.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/cvn_measure_of_a_nation_palin_family_politics

Second, here's a video of Palin giving a speach a few months ago to her former church. If you start listening at about the 3 minute mark or so, she refers to the war in Iraq as "Gods War." That right there is friggin scary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG1vPYbRB7k&eurl=http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=3845739

American Idol and Taking Katie Out on the Town

2008-09-02T22:07:00.006-05:00

This past weekend Katie and the whole clan came down for the long weekend, and one of the excuses of making the trip was to go to the American Idol concert, featuring my protege David Cook. Without further ado, here is the account of the night.

Here I am right after getting to my parents house to pick up Katie and Carl, and of course Carter-man wanted to chill with me for a bit. He knew who I was right away and even wanted me to hold him, and we played for a few minutes while Katie and Carl finished up getting ready. After this we met up with some Gracelanders for a HH, but I didn't take any pictures. Woops.
Here we are in our front row seats (Editors Note: Only Katie and I went to the concert, Carl and the others were only there for happy hour). OK, so they were front row of the upper deck, but they were still pretty decent seats. My good friend Ben and his fiance and parents just happend to sit a few seats over and 3 rows behind us, and I got to chat with them a few times do to the fact I had to make 4 "pit stops" during the concert after having the Bratwurst Platter at happy hour. Most of you are saying that is TMI, but I know Uncle Mark would be proud.
This could have been me. If only I had actual talent. But seriously, he came out wearing a Chiefs jersey which was cool, and halfway through his set he asked how many people were from Blue Springs South out there. We of course went crazy but quite a few people booed (jealous f*cks), but Dave quickly told everyone that there was no need to boo.
After the show, we moved across the street to Power and Light to show Katie where I worked, and to show her a good time since she hadn't been out in almost a year. First stop was to Howl, where we chilled with my friend/manager Jake, took some jello shots, and most importantly, I talked to the piano guys and got Katie to sing a song on stage.
Here she is making her professional debut, singing "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks. She nailed it.
After the singing we went next door to PBR Big Sky (assless chaps) to see my friend Heather and have one more drink before heading home. Now I've gotten to know Mike, the GM of the bar, just from working down there, and he happened to be at the entrance when we got there. He let us in without waiting in line, didn't have to pay cover, and after I introduced Katie and told about the twins/not being out in a long time, he immediately went and got us some drinks on the house. He then asked Katie if she wanted to ride the bull, and of course she said yes. Here's Mike and Katie before her time on the bull.

The best part of this is once again we didn't have to wait in line, she got right on. It pays to know people.
All in all, it was a fun filled weekend. I spent all Saturday hanging out with the family, but was having such a good time I didn't take any pics. Oh well, can't wait until next time!!!

Last Weekend

2008-08-26T21:28:00.004-05:00

Well, match.com girl fizzled out and is no more. Oh well, that's life....and she can go f*ck herself.

Other than that, things are going well. Last friday I took off work early and went golfing with Killa and his cousin Danny (who I played club volleyball with in HS). Danny is the superintendant of the course we played on and Killa is one of his minions, so that was free, plus it was dollar beer Friday!!! Here I am mid-backswing. Some people call me the White Tiger.
Here is Killa, some call him the Brown Tiger. Wait a second...
That evening Killa, Tommy Brooks, and I went down to P & L. It just so happened that Aron "Barn" Barwick and his wife were in town and were hitting things up with some other Gracelanders. Here I am with Barn at PBR Big Sky, aka "the bar with the chicks wearing chaps."
Here I am with Mrs. Barwick, and for some reason we decided to do a couples pose.
Sunday we started working on the new patio again, and my future roomate Ben K. (and his truck) helped us out. You can see we are making process, and we should have it done by this Friday after we put the decorative rocks down. I'm already worried that I didn't take the sump pump pipe out far enough, so I may have to extend that at some point. However, I'll hope for the best since I'm having a party this Sunday to celebrate the new patio, Killa moving out/Ben K. moving in, and Blue Springs South vs Rockhurst being on ESPN. GO JAGS!!!

Well that's all for now, but this weekend should be fun filled. The Hoyt clan is making the trek down, and Katie and I are going to the American Idol concert on Friday. Hopefully I'll have a good time, instead of being pissed off that Dave Cook is making millions while I slave away in a cubicle all day and have to supplement my income by babysitting drunks...but I digress.

Yard Work, My Cat Is Weird, and the Match.com Girl

2008-08-20T22:19:00.003-05:00

First things first: I'll give you all an update on Lara, aka the Match.com girl. Things were going pretty well, I think I told everyone that I even cooked her dinner. Well she was out of town all that weekend, then I went to her place for the first time last Monday, nothing too special, but things seemed good. Then all last week she seemed kinda shady. Not super shady, just not acting like you do when you are interested in someone. She didn't return my calls/texts a few nights, but she randomly texted me Friday night (though I think she was drunk). We didn't talk Saturday, barely talked Sunday and she seemed weird, so I was about ready to give up hope. But then this week has been totally fine. So as you can tell, I over-analyze everything. I also have no idea if things are moving anywhere, as nothing is that bad but nothing seems to be progressing. Ah well, not like I have anyone...errr, I mean anthing....else to do right now. She was supposed to come over tonight but she got out of work really late (and lives over 30 minutes away), but she invited me out with her friends on Friday night. To be continued...

The big news right now is that I'm starting a new landscaping/yardwork project. My sump-pump pipe has been screwed up for a while, so my backyard was a swampy shithole. Last weekend Killa and I (yes, I'm doing this whole thing while I have free labor) finally started and fixed the pipe, as well as lowering it and extending it. We think we might not have gone far enough, but we will see. Below are some "before" pics for you all, and hopefully my lazy ass will get around to having the "after" pics done in the next week or so.

Here's the view facing the back of my condo. The pipe used to only go out to about to the edge of the stairs, although the pipe was busted only about 3 feet out from the house, so that whole area would flood bad. You can see where we dug a trench and extended the pipe. We also buried the gutter drain so it now goes down that way instead of draining into the area where I'm going to put down the new garden/rock/grill area. What the hell do you call it when it's not really a patio, but I'm not really going to have a bunch of plants? On the side of the house you can see the pavers and lawn bricks as well. I got all of these used from my parents and grandma, which got me to actually do this project.
Here's the view from the side. All of this area under the deck and between the stairs and house will be the garden decorative rock things (once again don't know the technical term), and then it will extend a few feet closer to where I am taking this picture, with a semi-circle to the right of the stairs/deck out into the yard. I'll put pavers down right next to each other to form a mini patio area between the stairs and house to put my grill (trust me, the are is bigger than it looks), and the in the area closest to the camera in this picture will have the pavers act like stepping stones, with the rocks in between. I'll be tearing out the concrete pad and have pavers there as well.
After all of our hard work doing the pipe work, Killa and I decided to have a beer. OK, so the mugs actually held like 3 beers. But we deserved it, we worked hard.
The following pics are just to show that my cat is freakin' one of a kind. Here he is sleeping, and no he's not lying down. He was just sitting up, but instead of lying down he just bent down, put his head on the ground, and fell asleep. He's done this a couple of times now.

Update

2008-08-10T20:12:00.007-05:00

Hey kids, it's been a while since I've done a big, random post on what's going on in my life, but I swear there's a reason. The biggest is that I used to do most of my updates over my lunch break (wink wink) at work, but now I'm actually busy as hell and usually work through my lunch (that is actually true). I work at least twice a week with my side job, have softball one night (thank God that is now over), have been on 5 dates lately (more on that later), I'm starting a new landscaping project, and when I'm not doing one of those things, I am usually drinking with my friends.

But anyways, here are some updates/stories/random thoughts...

-About a month ago I had one of those situations where you swallow your manliness and do something for your girlfriend that you don't really want to do. Oh wait, I don't have a girlfriend, and I had to do this for a friend, without having the incintive that at least I was getting a piece of ass for it.

Anyways, I was at work at our main North Kansas City office, and my friend who works for the same company as I do was at our Lee's Summit location (we both live in LS as well). Well apparently, her "medicine" was running out that day, and she didn't want to drive all the way to NKC to pick up the prescription from our onsite Pharmacy. So I get the following call. Non-Girlfriend: "Matt, will you do me a huge favor." Matt: "Possibly. What is it?" Non-Girlfriend: "I need you to pick a prescription for me at the clinic and I'll pick it up from you tonight at your house." Matt: "Just get it tomorrow." Non-Girlfriend: "I can't miss a day." Matt: "Geezus, it's your birth control isn't it?" Non-Girlfriend: "Maybe." Matt: "God Dammit....Fine...But you owe me a beej...and I'm not picking tampons for you, so don't ask."

So my single ass has to walk into the onsite clinic at work and pick up fucking birth control for a female who I'm not even getting any from, all so she won't get pregnant by whoever the next tall, dark, and handsome Blonde/Mosaic he-whore she goes home with next. So pretty much I am doing all the boyfriend dirty work without even being a boyfriend. Oh, and what happened a few weeks after this? The two of us went out to lunch, and she had to stop by the store on the way back to work to pick up tampons. I stayed in the car.

-Match.com finally doesn't suck!!! A while back I stated how my friend Laura was going to online date for me while she was bored in Milwaukee. Well, she chickened out, so my friend Leah stepped in. Leah is a few years older than I am and she's married with two kids. On top of that, she got married when she was like 14 or something so she's never dated anyone besides her husband. Calm down Leah, I'll let everyone know that you were 19...

Anyways, I didn't meet any women from Leah's barrage of messages and "winks" to the other desperate singles of Kansas City, but in an indirect way it helped me find a girl I've actually been out with a few times. I was online one night seeing who the latest girls I (Leah) emailed, when I saw a profile of a cute girl I hadn't attempted to talk to before. I was too lazy/tired/hungover to send her a message, so I sent her a wink. For those non-online daters out there (oh wait, that's all of you), a wink just lets the person that you saw there profile and you are interested in them. Well, as interested as you can be in someone who you've never talked to and all you know about them is the two paragraphs they wrote.

Anyways, to my shock she actually wrote me back, using proper English and not talking about Nascar, and she seemed pretty funny. After many emails back and forth, we talked a few times on the phone and decided to meet up. Things went really well, we went out a few more times, even met up with friends one night, and last week she came over and I wooed her with a home cooked meal. Hell, I even bought her flowers and sudafed (she's alergic to cats). Anyways, things seem to be going pretty good so far, we're just taking it slow and having a good time. Her name is Lara, she's my age, went to K-State, she writes for a small town newspaper in a Kansas suburb, she has the same sophmoric sense of humor as I, and she is extremely cute. Actually, when we first met I was kinda pissed that she was as attractive as whe was because I figured I didn't have a chance. Luckily for me she must be either REALLY desperate or is attracted to guys with double chins and skin tags on their neck.

-Real work is going pretty good except for the fact that I'm busy as hell due to the fact that our team was downsized, but my boss gives us freedom to actually work on our own and doesn't micromanage like my last boss, so that helps a ton. My side job is actually pretty fun, mostly becuase I know what I'm doing now and I can be a dick to people and it's totally cool. Although I'm one of the worlds smallest/wimpiest bouncers ever, so I need to learn some takedown techniques or something for when the day comes that I actually have to get physical with someone. Carrie, if you're reading this get in touch so you can show me some of your cop moves. Oh man, I'm having to get take down techniques from a girl. Man I'm a pussy.

-So last weekend me and Killa went out to lunch with my Dad after we picked up some landscaping bricks from the parents house. We went to Wendy's and as we were chowing down on Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers and Frosty's, when I noticed Dad's shirt. As I'm sitting across from the not in very good shape man eating the 1/4 pound hamburger combo meal, his t-shirt reads "I went hungry so kids don't have to." It apparently was from some Habitat for Humanity thing, but the irony of the whole thing was pretty funny. Killa wants to get my dad one of the "I Beat Anorexia" shirts. Dad even thought everything was pretty funny too, so that was good. And what sucks is that I know I'm going to look/act exactly like him in 30 years. Sigh.

Visiting the Twins

2008-08-03T21:22:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago I took off a day of work and headed up to the QC to meet the twins, and of course to hang out with Katie, Carl, my Mom (she was up there for a few weeks), and most of all Carter-man. I jetted from work about 4:30 on Friday and was so excited I actually missed my exit to get on the interstate, so my dumb-ass was delayed about 20 minutes. After battling thunderstorms all through Missouri, thinkgs cleared up in Iowa and I chilled listening to the new Shinedown CD. All was well until I hit my normal truck stop on the east side of Des Moines, about 2 1/2 hours from Katies, when things went bad. Do you know what's more boring than driving through Iowa by yourself? Driving through Iowa by yourself without a stereo. Yep, right as I pulled into the truck stop the radio made a weird noise and then went out. Long story short, we still don't know what's wrong with it (my roomate was a car audio guy for a few years at Best Buy), so right now I'm screwed. The rest of the way to my sisters I pretty much called everyone in my phone book, plus played poker on my cell phone. Safe, right? On the way back I borrowed Katie's iPod, but about two hours into the trip home I found myself singing out loud to Madonna's "Like A Prayer." Man, I'm gay.

Without further delay, here is a pic of Tristan and Tyler with Uncle Matt, just minutes after we met for the first time.
Here I am feeding....we'll go with Tristan. Actually you can tell them apart because Tristan is always in blue, and Tyler is always in something besides blue. I did a good job telling them apart until right before I left, when they were in matching white swaddles. One of them started crying and my sister asked who it was, and all I could say was "the one on the right." She kinda got pissed that I couldn't tell my own nephews apart, but they are IDENTICAL TWINS!!! But we had a good laugh out of it. Now, I didn't volunteer to feed them, but Katie's so busy she just gave me a baby and a bottle and said "here ya go."
Here is Carter waiting for me to take him outside to ride his tractor, while I'm chillin' with Tristan.
This might have been my favorite moment of the weekend. Carter really took to me right away, and this was on Sunday afternoon when he grabbed his toys and insisted that I play with him. He was so close to me that I couldn't even see anything, but when I tried to shift him a little bit away he would crawl back to be right next to me. Notice his mardi gras beads, too? He's a party animal.
Here's a pic of Carter on his all time favorite toy, his John Deere tractor. The funniest story of the weekend was definately the last time I took Carter out for a ride. The back story is that Carter doens't quite totally get the whole concept of driving. Sometimes he doesn't want to press the gas peddle, he doesn't have the best aim when steering, if you cheer for him hell take both hands off the wheel and clap for himself, and if you wave at him he'll 0nce again take both hands off the wheel and wave back, not looking where he is going but not letting of the gas. Oh, and if he runs into something, he also doens't let off the gas.

OK, so his favorite thing to do is drive right at you, and then you jump out of the way real quick or lift up a leg and let him drive under. Well we were doing this one time, and just as I was about to lift up a leg for him drive under, he decided to slightly change course. I didn't have time to shift my weight properly, so i just stood there while Carter drove straight into my nuts. So his head is pretty much right on my junk, he's now leaning back so far that his hands aren't on the wheel, his hat falls off (but the pacifier stays in), and of course this whole time the pedal is to the metal (well, actually plastic). Katie is watching this thing the whole time and is laughing so hard that she pees herself and has to go change her underwear. I finally kinda move outta the way, Carter finally stops then and looks back at me like "what the fuck was that all about?" Sorry Carter!!!

Tristan Allen and Tyler William

2008-07-05T15:06:00.003-05:00

Well, the boys finally decided it was time to enter the world, on the 4th of July no less. The two little firecrackers (both are redheads of course) came into the world at 3:33 and 3:40 am, weighing in at 5 lbs, 5 oz and 5 lbs, 10 oz. Mother and kids are doing well, and Carter is doing really well with them, too. Tristan is in blue and Tyler is in green.
Presenting the entire Hoyt family. Man, they are going to have their hands full.

Rockfest

2008-07-05T14:50:00.004-05:00

A few weeks back I went to Rockfest, a huge all day long festival put on by 98.9, the local hard rock station. I had actually bought a ticket, but at the last minute my friend/Howl boss Jake had a free ticket for me, plus passes to the 98.9 tent and the Miller Light tent. So I went for free, had free food and beer, and a special raised stage to watch everything from. The bands on the main stage were Another Animal, Trapt, Chevelle, Saliva, Sevendust, Shinedown, and the reunited Stone Temple Pilots as the headliner. Another Animal was blah, Trapt was really good but their sound equipment was messed up, Chevelle was awesome, we didn't pay attention to Saliva and just ate and drank, Sevendust pissed us off by not playing a single on of their hits, Shinedown rocked it, and Stone Temple Pilots were incredible.

I thought I'd start off with an edited version of a girl flashing. While there weren't as many boobs being shown as we thought there might be, there were still a few white trash ladies willing to show what their momma gave them to 50,000 people. Classy.

Jake (high schoo friend/boss/got us the free tickets and passes), Lugo, Minks (both high school friends) and me. This is at the 98.9 tent, drinking our free beer and standing on the platform so you could see over the crowd.
We all went into the crowd for STP, and Jake and I managed to work our way up to the second row. Here's their guitar player with the smoke and light surrounding him in a cool way.
Scott Weiland, STP's lead singer and noted drug addict, towards the end of the set. The band sounded amazing live and I knew about 75% of their songs. They interact with the crowd a lot which is cool, but Weiland did sound amazingly strung out when he would talk between songs.

P&L and Alex Gordon

2008-07-05T14:35:00.003-05:00

These pics are pretty old, but here's some pics of me and some of my boys out at Power and Light District, which is where I work for my side job.

From left is Killa (my summer roomate), me, Shane (college friend) and Lugo (high school friend). This is at Howl at the Moon where I work.
Here's a pic of the "Living Room" area of P&L. All of the bars form a giant courtyard in the middle that is covered by a huge roof. There's a stage where they have free concerts, and then different areas to sit as well as outdoor bars. It's cool because you can go down there and hang out and not even go into an actual bar.
Here I am with Alex Gordon, future All-Star for the Royals. He's their starting 3rd baseman and was the number 2 pick in the draft a few years back (i.e. he's a multi-millionare). Anyways, he came up to the bar right next to me to get a drink and we chatted for a minute or two. He was a laid back guy, he was there with some of his friends from his hometown and his wife. He actually joked to me asking if he could order an 86oz bucket of Jack and Coke (we sell these buckets of girly drinks), and I told him I worked there and he actually could get one. After he placed his order I asked if he got one, he said no, and I called him a p*ssy. So yeah, I called Alex Gordon a p*ssy. I offered him a shot too, but he passed since he had a day game the next day. His exact response was "I have to play at 1 tomorrow, I'm getting drunk but not that drunk." GO ROYALS!!! Oh, and in the picture he looks wasted but he really wasn't, it's just a bad pic.

A New Low

2008-07-03T09:18:00.002-05:00

Once again, sorry for the delay in getting a new post up. It was End of Quarter at work, so I've actually been busy, plus the whole side job thing. Here's a quick update.
- So I've hit a new low in my life. Not only am I on match.com, I'm too lazy to even do it myself. My friend Laura just moved to Milwaukee with her husband, and she has a decent amount of downtime, so she is now officially me on match. That's right, she has my username and password and is now sending messages to ladies as me. I figure having a girl do it can't be any worse than what I was doing (since I got nothing on there), so I'll let everyone know how it goes. If anyone else has the urge to be me, let me know and I'll let you experience the wonderful world of online dating.
- My sister's pregnant with twins and is about to burst. Pretty sure all of you know that, but for some reason she wanted me to mention it. Happy now Katie???
- Eating a cheeseburger and onion rings at 1 am last night was a bad choice.
- On that note, I gotta go to the bathroom. I'll post some new pics soon.

Random Things and Pat's Wedding

2008-06-23T16:27:00.003-05:00

Here are a few thoughts and comments.
- So girl number three from the last post, Courtney, didn't quite think of it as a date on Monday. What was I thinking assuming that two single people going out to dinner and then grabbing a drink, all while I pick up the tab, would be considered a date? How foolish of me. In her defense, it didn't start out as a for sure date, we were going to do lunch, then happy hour, and then it turned in to dinner. She could have at least made the fake "how much do I owe" dinner comment, not like a would have let her pay anyways. So, that basically leaves me with no prospects right now. Back to failing at match.com or something.
- Two more signs that I'm getting old. First, I went on my annual float trip last week (pictures soon, I promise), but we actually couldn't float at all due to rain and high water. What scared me is that while I had a really good time, it wasn't the highlight of my year like in the past. I actually had a better time once some of us bailed and stayed at a hotel room on Saturday night. I'm not sure what's going on here, but I don't like it.
Second, I for the first time ever took off flip flops last night to put on tennis shoes for no good reason. I have literally never done that in my life. Hell, I used to wear flip flops when it was snowing outside and 4 degrees out. Pretty soon I'm going to be taking metimucel and yelling at kids to get the hell off my lawn. Although it does bug me when the neighbor kids park their bikes in my yard...
Alright, for those of you that don't know my good friend Pat got suckered in to getting married a few weeks ago. He lives in Atlanta now with his bride, so some of us made the trek down there for the festivities. The highlight of the weekend for me was when the maid of honor, a gorgeous, sweet, innocent little Southern Belle, was saying how much she enjoyed "fluffing" the bride's dress, making sure the train didn't drag, get bunched up, etc. Hearing this girl go around saying what a great fluffer she was was hysterical. For you ladies out there who don't know what a fluffer is, it's one step down from p0rn star. Look it up. Also, this girl looked just like Cameron from the Real World if that gives you a visual.

Here is a shot during the ceremony, with myself being the groomsman second from the right. I am actually down a step there, and somehow I was the second tallest groomsman. Not sure what that says about Pat's friends. Ok, so I know I'm used to RLDS churches that are made of aluminum siding and have a basketball hoop behind the pulpet, but this historical Catholic church had the creepiest crusifiction thing ever. Complete with fake blood.
Here's Pat and I, and yes, I busted out the tuxedo t-shirt during the last hour of the reception. I don't think the bride found it nearly as amusing as I did, and I could possibly have been the first ever person to wear one during a reception at the Biltmore (this was a black tie affair). Also, note that in Pat's hand is "the breadball." What is a breadball you ask? Why it's a ball made of bread silly. To show our true maturity, a ball was made out of 4 slices of bread at breakfast and entertained the entire grooms side of the wedding party for the entire day. Once again, I don't think the bride was that amused.
Here's all the guys from Blue Springs that made it down, Schicker, Tommy, Stout, me, and Jistin.
At about 7 am, I was coming back from dinner and noticed Pat's older brother Matt passed out in the lobby, still in his tux. Being the great friend that I am, I helped him back to the couch in my room. Since this is a family blog, I won't post the picture of me t-bagging him 5 minutes prior to this picture being snapped.

I Swear I've Been Busy

2008-06-17T13:42:00.004-05:00

OK Folks, I want to apologize for me sucking at putting up new posts, but I'll try my best to play catch up and post a bunch of new stuff. I've been out of town for a wedding and then a float trip (where we weren't even able to float), plus I started my new side job, plus I've had multiple dates. No, that wasn't a typo. Multiple dates. Here's a rundown of what's going on in my life.

- My good friend from college, Killa (aka Adam Kalie-something really Hawaiian) moved in with me for a summer. No, I didn't play volleyball with him, and he's not actually from Hawaii (grew up in DC, and he's one of two Hawaiians in the country to play ice hockey, with the other one being his brother). Anyways, I'm cutting him a deal and only charging him $100 a month because he's still in school and is paying rent at his place in Lamoni. I bet you have a few questions, like "is he your age Matt?" Yes he is. "Oh, is he working on his doctorate" No. As the quote from Tommy Boy goes, "A lot of people go to college for 7 years." "Yeah, they're called doctors."
- I started my job at Howl at the Moon, working twice a week. It's actually pretty fun, and they have really tight security at the Power and Light district, so my job's pretty easy. But man are drunk people dumb and annoying. I'm glad I know I'm not like that at all when I go out. Right?
- On to what you all have been waiting for...I've gone on a plethora of dates lately!!! OK, so one wasn't even really a date, as she was gracious enough to let me know ASAP that we "should just be friends." Lame. But I had the honor of paying for a nice meal out, then taking her home right away and not even getting a kiss because she "didn't feel that great." Even lamer. And I can't even say her name, as she is a blog fan. But you know who you are out there!!!
Date #2 was a blind date set up by the semi-crazy (in a good way) photographer from my sisters wedding. Long story short, I saw her at another wedding and we chatted, she found out I was single and wanted to set me up. Things started OK on the date, she was a cute redhead, but man, this girl would NOT shut up!!! I consider myself a talker, and I couldnt' get a word in. All I heard the whole time was "blah blah blah", and then she would wink to emphasize points, which is creepy and annoying. Well, my friends said to give her at least a second date, so I texted her a few days later, and what did she write back? NOTHING!!! B**ch, I didn't like you anyways, and now it looks like she has the upper hand. She did have really nice shoes, though.
Date #3 just happened last night, and it was random as well. I had to get a new badge at work, and it turns out the lady that does that is my best friend from HS Drew's (he lived next door to us and was the bass player in the David Cook Band) fiance's best friend from HS. To recap, her best friend from HS is engaged to my best friend from HS. Anyways, we had met before years ago and started talking on work IM, and actually went out. She seems cool and is beautiful (tall, skinny, dark curly hair, dark brown eyes), as well as having a loud laugh which I find makes her confident. The highlight of the night was us going to a dive bar for a post dinner drink, and the wasted lady next to her who may or may not have been homeless talking to her about masterbation and soap operas. Not joking. Hopefully we'll go out again, I'll keep you posted. **EDITORS NOTE** Date #3 (Courtney) is also good friends with a girl that works at Howl, who is dating my friend from HS/boss Jake. Small world. Also, in the post a few months back where I wore my volleyball medal out all night? It was Courtney's bday party that night at a swanky place, so that's why we went next door to drink and do oyster shooters. Even smaller world.

Alright kids, more updates to follow.

The DC Trip: A Free Vacation

2008-05-26T22:02:00.005-05:00

Early last week I took a work trip to Washington DC, to help implement a new software system at Children's National Hospital (future employer of my cousin-in-law Dave, which is funny because the only other work trip I have ever taken was to Clarion Health in Indy, where He and my cousin Angie both worked at one point. What are the odds of that?). Anyways, I lucked out and was stationed at a remote site that was pretty much a doctor's office in the suburbs that really didn't need my help, so I had tons of time to sight see. On top of that, I lucked out again and somehow scored a really sweet rental car (Nissan Xterra instead of a two door compact), had a sweet hotel room, and had quite a bit of free time. Oh, and I got bumped from my flight out to DC, so I got a $460 voucher on Southwest Airlines. AND, while waiting on my flight out of KC I ran into David Cook's mom and brother and chatted with them for a bit. A great trip all around. The next three posts give some details of the trip, but here are some random notes:
- An observation about the guys and girls my age from DC: The guys are tools and the girls are way too smart. Every guy I saw had some combination of khaki pants, loafers, and/or hair with a side part. Every girl was no better than semi-cute and could actually carry on intelligent conversations. I am used to guys wearing cargo shorts and a tuxedo t-shirts, and girls being blonde, hot, and not really much to say. I think it has to do with people there actually getting good educations. For some reason I don't think that George Washington University or American University offer Physical Education or Fashion Merchindising as majors.
- So one night I went out to the Georgetown area of town and was eating dinner by myself and having a few drinks. A hot young lassie saddled up next to me at the bar, so I got a little happy. I was actually wearing a collared shirt (no loafers, though), so I thought I was in like flint. Well, then I noticed that the rock on her finger was so large it had to have flying buttresses to support it (look it up if you need to). Oh, and then her 40 year old husband sat down next to her. I'm guessing I wasn't her type anyways. And I bet she wasn't my type either, since she probably knew how to read and all.
- When I was waiting for my flight back to KC, I had the best end to the trip possible. While waiting at the Baltimore airport (yes, I flew out of Balitmore, it rocked!), I ran into Matthew Lesko. Who is Matthew Lesko you ask? He's the crazy mofo in commercials and late night infomercials that wears a bunch of question marks on his suit and says how you can get free government money for pretty much anything you can imagine. Once again, look him up if you don't know who he is.

DC: The Historical Stuff

2008-05-26T21:19:00.004-05:00

My second to last day in DC I did the normal touristy stuff and saw the normal sights. Not much else to say, except for the fact that I walked my ass off (really, I got a rash), and everything was pretty cool. I must say thought that the grounds could have been better kept, most city parks have nicer grounds.

Here's the White House. I would make a George Bush joke here but the thought of him and his presidency isn't really something to joke about. Fark Bush. On that note, seeing some of these sights actually made me angry, seeing that at one point truly brave and wise people actually directed our country, and seeing memorials to the men and women who fought for actual causes, as opposed to the sh*t storm that is now. Sorry, I digress...

Washington Monument. Me and my friend Cartee want to start a band and call it Washington Monument and the Phallic Symbols. Not joking. Other names we want to use are Delicious Dish (an obscure SNL reference that I hope some of you will get), and Daytime Stripper. Think about it. But on a serious note, I kinda like how it's stormy in the background with the flags at the bottom. Kinda symbolic.
Lincoln Memorial from afar. Notice the duck at the bottom. There were actually some baby ducks behind her but I didn't get them.
Lincoln Memorial. Very impressive close up, it really is large (the same thing can be said about my c**k, but that's another story). Wow I'm mature...
Here is the Ohio monument in the WWII memorial. Of course I took this picture in rememberance of Grandpa Bill, he really would have loved it. I won't lie, I cried for the first time in well over a year while I was here, just thinking about him and how cool it would have been to visit all of this with him. Love and miss you Wild Bill!!!

DC: The Nationals Game

2008-05-26T21:05:00.004-05:00

On my first full night in DC I decided to hit up the Nationals baseball game. After actually figuring out how to navigate the metro, I arrived and bought a ticket for myself. Nothing like sitting by yourself at an event with 30,000 other people. Actually I talked to a few people and pretty much just walked around the whole time and really did enjoy myself.

Here I am at the outfield bar before the game. I was enjoying a Leine's Summer Wheat beer and kept myself busy by talking on the phone to the sister as well as Lisa, my ex-fiance (yeah Lisa, I noticed that you changed it!). But I won't lie, it was kinda akward asking some stranger to take a picture of just me.
The main entrance to the stadium is actually in the ourfield, and here is a view of their scoreboard, which is still nothing compared to the new one at Kaufman in KC. I actually took the picture becuase when I walked in, the where showing a This Week In Baseball segment on the Royals. I was proud rocking my Royals hat and was the only person I saw all night in KC gear. Oh, and this was the same night the Red Sox no-hit the Royals. F*ck.
The stadium from the outfield bar (0k, so maybe I spent most of the game at the bar) after nightfall.
It isn't really easy to see, but here is a shot from of the outfield from the first base side with the Capital building in the background. Pretty cool. Oh, and to the left is the bar that I spent a bit of time in.
This wasn't at the game, but was an ad on the Metro on the way to the game. I took this picture for our friends the Zimmermans, because apparently they aren't the only crazy ones out there that don't eat meat or meat by-products. And really, why is they guy stroking his cock in the picture? HAHAHAHA, get it, the bird is a cock!!! On a side note, there was a black man that may or may not have been homeless sitting in the seat right next to this picture. He stared at me for a good minute or so with a look on his face that said "what the hell is this cracker doing taking a picture of the side of the wall?"

DC: The Asian Supermarket

2008-05-26T20:49:00.004-05:00

So right next to by my hotel was a strip mall that had some different asian restaurants (Thai, Chinese, etc), as well as a pretty large asian supermarket. I LOVE Asian food, so I went over there a few times for lunch and did a little shopping at the supermarket. Aside from eating such specialties as Cow Tendon (better than it sounds, not a whole lot of flavor), as well as some bean sprout dish and many others, I took some pics of my adventures. Below are some of my finds.

Here is a picture of the seafood section, which smelled pretty much like the sump pump in my basement after I have a party. I.E, it didn't smell good. Here is this picture are conchs, both in the shell and "naked" (not sure what you call a conch without a shell, so we'll go with naked), as well as some fish I can't pronounce.
OK, so I don't really know how to rotate the picture (just pick up your laptop/monitor and turn sideways), but these are salted duck eggs. In a box. Not refridgerated. Not sure how that works.
Here are durian fruit, which is supposed to be one of the nastiest foods on earth. They are banned from public places in Southeast Asia because they smell so bad. The taste of them has been described as a cross between rotten onions and dirty socks. And this is a fruit. I actually would like to try one some day, but since I was at a hotel I decided against it.
I was going to the Nationals baseball game later in the evening, so I decided to get some pistacios to take since I noticed a bulk foods section. I had to take this picture because never before have I seen dried fish next to nuts. Now I've seen nuts next to other types of "fish", but I won't even go there. Sigh...
This picture doesn't really do this guy justice, but it's the best I could. He was the only other white guy in there, and he was wearing black tennis shoes, REALLY short blue running shorts, and a pretty much see-through white dress shirt. In the face he actually kinda looked like Lt. Dangle from Reno 911, which is fitting considering his shorts.

Saturday Night

2008-05-11T22:46:00.004-05:00

This past Saturday I met up with some work friends to take in a Royals game and then head to the Power and Light District (KC's new downtown entertainment area next to the Sprint Center).

The biggest thing about this game was it was the first ever game for Emerson Wood, who will surely be raised correctly by her father and will be a true blue Royals fan. Also, the reason for my awesome face in this photo is because the stranger who took the picture said "on three, say I'd rather be at a Yankee's game." I started booing. Jackass.
I was lucky enough to run in to Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett. He was nice enough to let my friends take a picture of us while toasting our beers.
Here's George and I with the gameday promotion, Budwieser/Royals umbrellas. The two awesome things about this was that I have never in my life owned an umbrella, and there was actually a two hour rain delay. We actually saw the top of the first, had a two hour rain delay, watched the bottom half of the inning, then we headed down to P&L.
We spent most of the evening at PBR's Big Sky, a county themed bar with an awesome live band that plays mostly country and 80's rock, and a mechanical bull. I usually don't go to bars that you have to wait in a line to get in and pay $4 a beer, but something about this place draws me in. Not sure what it is, but it might be that the beer girls pretty much only wear panties and leather chaps. There were a good 10 or so ladies running around in this get-up. And when two of them get on the mechanical bull and ride it together? Wow. All you gentlemen out there that don't live in KC, I think a road trip is in order. Click on the picture to enlarge.
On top of the ass-less chaps beer ladies, I also like going there because my good friend Heather A. is a bartender. Here she is doing some cheesy dance on top of the bar. And no, the bartenders don't have to wear chaps, although Heather has the body to pull it off.

Random Parties

2008-05-11T21:39:00.005-05:00

Sorry for the delay in getting up new posts, I have no excuses, I've just been lazy.

Last weekend I had a welcome home party for my friend Courtney, who just moved back from California with her husband. It was also my birthday, but I don't think anyone really cared about that. We had a high school theme to the party, so here's me and Jistin looking tough in our sweet BSS football jerseys. I would have more pictures, but I totally forgot to take any more.

The weekend before that we had an impromptu guys night at my place, pretty much because Drew was on this side of town. Anyways, we argued for quite a while about what bar we should go out to, and when no agreement was made, our compromise was to go get a bottle of tequila and a bottle of bourbon and call it a night. Here we are doing one of the rounds of shots. Thanks Jistin for the finger, Genz would be proud.
Here is Drew helping conserve water by pissing in the Nicole Shutt Memorial sump pump. Thanks Drew!!!What goes well with tequila??? FIRE!!!. We weren't really paying attention and Kris was on his way back from the bathroom (sump pump), when he had the great idea to make a homemade torch with a Bic lighter and a can of WD-40. Next thing we know, there's a giant fireball. In hindsight, I'm sure this wasn't the best idea.
Look at the expression on his face, it's like a kid on Christmas morning.

Carter Weekend

2008-04-28T19:40:00.003-05:00

This weekend Dad and I headed up to the QC for a fun filled yet relaxing weekend with Carter, his parents, and the feti (plural for fetus, kind of like cacti is to cactus. Yes, I just made that up). Anywho, much fun was had by all, we just went out to eat Friday and then watched old home videos, then ran errands Saturday and went to the Quad City River Bandits baseball game on Saturday. Grace Marine (the Hoyt family business) was a sponsor of the game, but we actually got a suite thanks to a family friend of theirs working for the team. Thanks Shannon and Brett!

Here is Carter watching the game, but he isn't having that great of a time. "What's that Carter?" says Uncle Matt. "I need a beer" replies Carter. "OK" says Uncle Matt, "Just don't tell your mother."
"Ah, much better" says Carter. "Uncle Matt, why are you so excited, you don't even have a drink?"
"Oh, thanks Carter-man. I"ll get my own in a second, but I appreciate your friendliness" says Uncle Matt. "No Problem" says Carter.
"Uncle Matt, hurry up, we're going to the Quad. We're going streaking!!!"
And here we are all passed out.
OK, so that last picture is actually from Friday night. And Carter didn't really drink, but he does love playing with empty cans. But we all really did have a great time!!!

Best Team Ever

2008-04-22T14:02:00.003-05:00

OK, maybe my girls aren't the best team ever, but they are pretty close in my book. This past weekend was the Regional tournament, a two day affair to end the season. Out of 90 teams in the region, my girls took 5th place!!! Yes, you heard that right, 5 out of 90. The girls played amazing all weekend and went down fighting, losing a hard fought battle in three games (best out of three) to the 2nd ranked team. It was an awesome year, and I can't to continue our success next season!!!

Woody Hayes...The Cat...The Legend

2008-04-22T10:45:00.002-05:00

Many of you may know that little Woodrow has a mind of his own, he pretty much does what he wants to do. If my neighbor is washing his car, he'll go sit in the front seat. If a full size boxer dog comes in our yard, he tries to fight it. If he wants to take a little vacation, he'll dissapear for a few days.
Well, he set a new record last week by leaving the house and not coming back for 8 days. And he didn't even come home on his own, my friend picked him up on the side of the street. I've always kind of wondered what he did while he was away, and then this is how he looked when he finally was home and laid down to sleep. I think I need to send him to counseling or something.

New Post For No Real Reason..But I Might Get In Trouble For This

2008-04-17T16:26:00.003-05:00

It's been a week since the last update, but I really don't have a ton of new material, but here's what's going on right now.

- I am finally under 200 pounds!!! It's been at least a year since I could say that I bet. Yes, I weighed 199.9 pounds. Yes, it was at 1 in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything all day. Yes, I made myself take a dump right before I weighed myself. But hey, I was still under 200. And at least I didn't weigh myself naked or anything. Of course that would have been akward due to the fact that the scale is in the middle of the workout room.
- Here's the latest on "Matt Mac's Online Search For Love '08." So Ohio State girl, the one that I mentioned in my NascarGurl entry, and I actually started talking quite a bit on the phone, emailing, text messaging, things of the such. She seemed pretty cool, and she only slightly annoyed me, which for me is actually saying something. Now we are both busy, so we never had actually met up. We talked about it a few times, but she always kinda bailed. Anyways, we finally met up the other night just to hang out, nothin big, and I figured out why she wasn't as eager to meet up as I was. Let's just say that the pictures she posted weren't taken anytime recently. How old are they? No idea time wise, but I'd say a solid 40 pounds ago. And I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt on that one. Ok ok, I hear you all right now, "Matt, how shallow of you," or "Matt, you aren't much to look at either," and from you guys, "Matt, were you drunk or sober?" Well, I'm just being honest here, and I was actually sober, although I truly believe no amount of booze would have swayed me. Plus, this means the very first impression I had from her was a lie. Plus when a girl has more chins than I do and we couldn't share pants due to the fact that mine wouldn't fit on her, it's best just to move on. But on the bright side, NascarGurl is looking better and better...

Mom, Katie, Aunts, Female Cousins, and Lady Friends out there...please don't hate me, I'm just being honest.

There's Still Hope That A Hot Chick Will Marry Me

2008-04-10T15:36:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080410/sc_livescience/whybeautifulwomenmarrylessattractivemen

I'm Almost Famous

2008-04-09T14:20:00.003-05:00

Every day while pretending to do work, err, I mean while I'm on my lunch break...I check out my usual websites, one of which is uniwatch.com, a website devoted solely to athletic uniforms. It sounds kinda random, but it's actually really intersting for any sports fan. Part of the daily posting is just a bunch of links to pictures and stories related to interesting uniform happenings. Well, yours truly submitted something that got published yesteday and I got the credit for it. Follow the link below, go to the Uni Watch News Ticker section, and it's about halfway down. This article was about the Royals new powder blue uniforms.

http://www.uniwatchblog.com/2008/04/09/paging-pedro-feliciano-the-2008-season-is-leaving-without-you/

Musings #2

2008-04-07T13:53:00.002-05:00

- I was flipping through the channels last night and came across a show titled "Me and My Big Breasts." SCHWING!!! "I think I've seen this online" I thought to myself. Then I realized in wasn't on Skinimax, it was on BBC America. And it was on at 8 in the evening. And it was about women wanting breast reduction surgery. Being the typical male I am, I still watched the show though, don't get me wrong. Not too bad, it showed one lady at a modeling shoot with a bunch of other models. That was good. Then I remembered my aunt had breast reduction surgery. That was bad. I then changed the channel and didn't flip back.
- Speaking of reduction, I've lost 11 pounds. Only 21 more to go.
- So some family and friends talked me into joining match.com. Do you know what is even more pathetic than doing online dating? Doing online dating and not have anyone friggin' write you back. I emailed like 7 or 8 girls, and yes I'm sure I sounded like an idiot, but what am I supposed to say? Here is an example of what I want to write back to one of the non-responders:

Dear NascarGurl85 -
I wanted to write you one more time, just to clear a few things up since I sent my first email introducing myself, but did not hear back from you. First, the main reason I got in contact with you is because you look at least semi-cute and showed good cleavage in one of your pictures. Whatever i wrote about thinking we might have some things in common was a total lie. I hate NASCAR, dont' like country music, and am not politically conservative. Also, you work as a receptionist and you're "going back to school soon." Let's be honest honey, you have only taken 9 credit hours at Blue River Community College spread out over the last 4 semesters, so I'd hardly call it "going back" to school. You say you want to be a nurse because you "like helping people," but in reality it is one of only four professions that your family knows about that doesn't require working in grease, working a pole, or anything with the word "-man" in the title (garbage man, UPS man, etc...). Anyways, those four professions are Lawyer, Doctor, Nurse, and Teacher. We all know you can't be a Lawyer or Doctor, being a teacher would require you to spend to much time in a school building, so Nurse it is!!! Good luck with that. At the rate you are going, you'll be a nurse about the same time I'm moving into a nursing home, so have fun wiping my ass.
Anyways, despite all of this, you somehow thought it wasn't worth writing me back. How silly of me, thinking that being funny, outgoing, educated, family oriented, and having a good job would make me attractive to you. I forgot how much better you are than me, working 20 hours a week as the receptionist at your daddy's trailer park, chain smoking Marlboro reds, and getting dragon and butterfly tattoos on your ass.
I wish you the best of luck in your search for Prince Charming, and I hope you have a good day.

Sincerely,

Matt

At least I'm not bitter, right? Actually, I have been talking to a girl for a little while now online, she actually went to Ohio State, the first line of her profile was a Dumb and Dumber quote, and her favorite drink is Natty Light. I'll keep everyone posted.
- Every major sporting event should take place on a Saturday, this crap about having it on a work night is total BS. You can't call in sick because everyone knows the only thing you are sick from is Busch Light and Rotel dip, but it's a waste to take a vacation day. Super Bowl, NCAA BBall Championship, BCS Championship? All should be on a Saturday. Stanly Cup, MLS Championship? HAHAHAHA, just kidding, no one cares about those sports anyways!!!

Reasons I'm Becoming My Dad

2008-04-07T12:04:00.003-05:00

1) I now have a skin tag on my neck.
2) I recently swept out my garage.
3) I find myself repeating stories to people.
4) I asked for new blinds to go in my bedroom for my birthday.
5) I have a fully develped second chin.
6) I constantly suggest/ask about baby names to Katie.

If I start making flower arrangements and writing hymns, someone please kill me. Although I am wanting to plant some tomatoes for this summer, and redecorate a little in my living room. Oh crap...

My Team Is Still Better Than Your Team

2008-03-30T15:56:00.005-05:00

Another tournament, another 1st place finish for the Nova's!!! This one was actually pretty sweet, as it is the first time all year that I've had my entire team together (one girl was out w/ an ankle injury for a long time), and they stepped up and played awesome. We beat one number one seed in the semifinals, and then the other number one seed in the finals, which avenged our only loss of the day. Also, when we won the tournament earlier in the year, we had a few replacement players due do some of my girls having other commitments, and it was only a 5 team tournament. This was a ten team tournament w/ much better competition, but the girls played their hearts out and took home the gold. Can you tell I'm proud of them?
I told the girls that if they won, I would wear the medal when I went out that night, and I am a man of my word. I was hoping that it would be a good conversation starter with the ladies, but as usual that didn't really work out. The only people to ask me about it was a tatooed waitress, a middle aged alcoholic homosexual man, a guy that may have been homeless who was so wasted he was talking about his jouvenile diabetes with me (for you Gracelanders, this guy totally would have been friends with Stretch, if that gives you a visual), a pretty hot lady in her mid-twenties who was so drunk she could barely walk who was constantly being hit on by a bunch of black dudes, and a 275 pound black dude in a suit. I really should have gotten pictures with all of these guys, so apologies for not thinking of that at the time.

Anyways, here I am at D'Bronx Pizza (home of the tatooed waitress)...
...at Jimmy's Jigger (home of the gay alchy and diabetes dude)...
...and finally at the Levee (home of drunk girl and the nattily dressed black man).
Jistin convinced us to get some raw oysters while at Jimmy's Jigger (sounds shady, yes, but it's actually the downstairs bar of a really nice New Orleans style restaurant). As you can tell by the look on my face, I was a little skeptical, but they actually weren't bad, all I could really taste was the toppings I put on it. There almost was disaster, though, because they didn't tell me to chew them a little bit, I just tried to shoot the thing down. Well, I have a gag reflex that would make me a horrible gay man, so it almost came up before it really even went down. The next few were smooth sailing, though. And look at that medal shine!!!

Easter Weekend

2008-03-26T19:05:00.003-05:00

Here are some pictures from this weekend, which was jam packed with all sorts of fun. This first pic is of what Uncle Matt got Carter for his first birthday. Yes it was a few weeks ago, but I had a volleyball tournament, so lay off. It's not like I'm the head coach and can set the schedule....oh wait. Nevermind. Anyways, yes, I got Carter a soccer ball and a dish scrubber. Those of you who are fans of my sisters blog know that Carter is a fan of dish scrubbers as toys. We're not quite sure why, but look at him chew away! I also got him a little soccer t-shirt, but not sure if it will fit since Cart-man is a bean pole.

It was either a picture of him naked picking up an Easter egg, or a picture of me doing the same. Just be glad I chose the kid. Here is the best picture we could get of the Graceland crew that has kids. From left to right, the Bullcomings (my favorite last name of all time), the Hoyts (I'm related), and the Woods (huh huh, I said wood).
Here is Genz and Brett (Jodi's boyfriend). I put this up to prove once again how mature my friends are. Thanks for the finger Genz!!! For those of you keeping score at home, this is the second pic on the blog of him flipping the bird.
Here I am sitting on Jodi. I really don't remember what I'm doing, but if I know myself as well as I think I do, I'm most likely farting.

Carter Eating

2008-03-24T19:09:00.004-05:00

Even when he's eating he gets excited. This kid loves life.

The American Idol...And What The Hell Happened To Me?

2008-03-18T17:38:00.001-05:00

For those of you that don't know, I used to be in a band in high school named Axiom (later changed to Axium after I got kicked out, but that's a whole other story), and the lead singer was none other than American Idol quasi-rocker David Cook. Yes, that is David on the right, and yes, that is me on the left. As my boss said "Matt, that's only 75% of you." And he actually was exaclty right with his percentage. Anyways, I thought I'd share this picture with you, and I would post a video clip of us playing, but my parents love my sister more than me and they threw out all the videos they made of me in high school and college, while magically they can find my sisters.

Only In Missouri...Or West Virginia...Or Arkansas....OK Anywhere Where There Is White Trash

2008-03-10T21:13:00.003-05:00

This was the truck parked right next to me at work today. Do the parents not realize how dangerous it is for a child to ride in that thing! I mean seriously, a toddler could reach over and get a hold of the anti-freeze or something, and we all know that isn't save!!!

(Click on the picture and it should enlarge)

Random Pics

2008-03-10T20:36:00.003-05:00

Nothing big here, just some pics of what I've been up to the past few days. On Wednesdays I will occasionally go to Jerry's Bait Shop (it's a bar) in Lee's Summit for a little hump day break. Wow, I just said hump day. Anyways, this bar has an awesome cover band on Wednesdays called 90 Minutes, as they only play songs from the 1990's, as well as $5 pitchers and the best people watching anywhere. Joining me on this night was the lovely Heather A. on the left and the beautiful Holly on the right. Oh, and let's not forget poker player Scotty Nguyen on the TV.
I forget what was going on here, all I remember is that whatever it was, it gave me an excuse to touch Holly's ass. Thanks Holly, that's the most I've gotten in two months!!! But then she punched me. Sigh.
She made me miss my turn in Silver Strike.
I had people over on Saturday night, just a little house party. Here's Minks giving the Heavy Metal Horns, while Genz gives the...well, I think it's a cross between sign language for "I Love You" and something that I can't say since this is a family blog.
OK, so maybe it's not a family blog. The best thing here is the girls had no idea at first that Drew's ass was in the picture. And yes, the fine young lady who is closest to the o-ring is Drew's fiance Kallie.

Things That Annoy Me Right Now

2008-03-07T12:59:00.004-06:00

- People that pronounce the word Chipotle, "Chi-pol-te." Look at the order of the words, people.

- People that use little rolly suitcase looking things to carry their laptop. Seriously, it weighs 3 pounds!!! They spend about 50% more time going anywhere because they have to set it up, worry about cracks in the sidewalk, lift it over curbs, being extra careful when going in and out of doors, etc.

- David Archuleta on American Idol. First off, you won Star Search, so quit acting like this is all a shock to you. Second, the crap about singing "Another Day In Paradise" because there are so many homeless people out there suffering or something like that? Let up dude, you're 17, chill out. Although he is from Utah, so maybe he is actually genuine. Third, is it just me or does he lick his lips every 3.5 seconds while he sings? Watch for it next time.

- The fact that every woman under the age of 26 and lives in Kansas City is married or has a boyfriend.

- People that leave anonymous posts on my blog and don't say their name. Just write your name at the end of the sentence. For example, "Matt, you are funny, smart, and good looking. I desperately want to make love to you - Erin Andrews." If you don't know who Erin Andrews is, please see above. If you don't know who Erin Andrews is and you are a male, once again, turn in your man card.

- Heather and Leah making promises that they don't keep. Ouch!!!!

Technical Difficulties

2008-03-06T11:14:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the delay in getting a post up, but I am having trouble uploading pictures on to my computer. Hopefully I'll get something worked out tonight.

Thanks Mom

2008-02-26T21:07:00.003-06:00

So my Mom was in India for three weeks recently and just got back on Friday. She was really ready to come home, and I went over to my parents house right after work so that a good ol' American, non-curry meal was ready when they arrived. It was nice to see Mom, she was thrilled to be home, and she of course had a few small gifts for everyone. After dinner she gave some out and told Dad and I what she got everyone else. Dad got some coasters and a silk tie, I think Katie got a candleholder as well as some stuff for Carter, and I got a decorative mask, candlholder, and a handmade learning book for my son or daughter. They were really nice and I know that.....WAIT, WHAT?!?!? What was that last thing!?!?!? She got me a book FOR MY KID!?!?!?

I am not sure what happened over there in India, if she had a bad batch of Punjabi Dal Makhani or what, but I think she's missing a key part of me possibly having a kid...you know, a mother. Now not that I don't try on the weekends to do what it takes to have a child, it's just that I am never succesful at it (don't you worry Mom!!!) On a side note, I'm not sure if the parents would be too thrilled if the mother of their grandchild is Tiffini Ann the cocktail waitress at Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill. But that's a whole other story.

So I tell Mom thanks for the gifts, but that I hope the book wouldn't fall apart by the time I have a kid. She explained that it would hold up and she didn't want my kid to be left out, whenever that time comes. So I kinda understood, and all was well, until Momma Sue then says, "and don't forget that we still have a black pearl that your Dad got in Tahiti for whoever you marry."

Thanks again for reminding me how single I am. So for all you ladies out there, I have a good job, own my car, own my house, have no debt, and I have a black pearl waiting for you and a book waiting for our child. Matt Mac Marriage, Inc., now taking applications. And you better hurry up, Mom's getting restless.

My Team Is Better Than Your Team

2008-02-25T09:25:00.003-06:00

I had to give a shout out to my volleyball team, who took first place in our tournament on Saturday. We've had four tournaments to far, and we have two second place finishes and now a first place. WAY TO GO LADIES!!!!!!!

Random Weekend

2008-02-25T08:56:00.003-06:00

Here are a few random pictures from this past Friday night. Nothing much was going on, so a group of us just went to B-Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings for those of you who aren't in the know). I honestly wonder how much money I have spent there in the past three years? I don't think I want to know. And yes, I am wearing a tuxedo t-shirt in these pics, I even had random girls at the table next to us taking pictures of my shirt. Or was that just their excuse to take pictures of the most beautiful guy they have ever laid eyes on? What was that, you think it was just the shirt? You're probably right. Sigh.

So Jistin (real name Justin, but his parents both have southern accents so it sounds like Jistin) and I hung out at my place before going out. The other day he had a company wide meeting at Farmer's Insurance that they held in a movie theatre. Here is how he had to sit for over two hours due to the fact that a 350 pound black woman was seated next to him, with the armrest up.
Here's the gang.
Some people train for triathlons. Some train for marathons. Jistin and I? We are training for float trip. If you looked up "Determination" in the dictionary, there is a good chance this picture will be next to it. However, there is also a good chance that if you look up "Lush", this picture will also appear. You win some, you lose some.
Lauren just farted and it smelled really bad. I was thoroughly disgusted, but she thought it was funny. How immature.

Colorado Trip '08

2008-02-18T20:52:00.009-06:00

Well I am back now from my trip out to Colorado, and I have to say it was an AWESOME time. I hadn't had a real vacation in quite a while, and this trip was for sure what I needed. The first night was spent with Laura (cousin) and her roomates at a nice sushi place. After the sake bombs ended and getting a good nights sleep, Laura and I headed up to the mountains. We dropped our stuff off at the condo and headed to rent skis.

Here is a picture of me attempting to try on ski boots. Aside from being uncomfortable due to the ski boots, I soon enough was uncomfortable from the amount of hippies up in the mountains.

Outside the very bottom of Breckenridge. Do I look like I know what I'm doing? No? Good, because I didn't.
Sending a text message to the one and only Heather (quite possibly my biggest blog fan), rubbing it in that I was skiing while she was pretending to do work in her cubicle.
Laura and I looking good. But when you are us beautiful as we are, it's hard not to look good. Also, check out the coordinating Ohio State hats, which actually wasn't planned.

Pretty sure in this picture I still hadn't actually gone down a hill yet.

This was supposed to be a sweet picture of us with the mountain range in the background, but Hans the German tourist apparently doesn't know how to take a picture correctly. But Hans got a lot of the snow in the picture. Thanks Hans!!!
Here we are at the end of the day with the snow getting heavier.
All in all it was one of the funnest, most relaxing days I've had in a while. I shockingly was pretty good and I got the hang of things pretty quickly, and it was good for Laura so she didn't have to stay on the bunny slopes with me the whole time. I seem to have the "ski like a bat out of hell" philosophy, so speed was never a problem but I still only fell once. Until we went to Keystone the next day and I found out first hand about something that people call "moguls." I have no further comment on that.

After that first night, we went out to dinner and then grabbed some drinks at the Dillon Dam Brewery. When we got there the special of the night was the most confusing thing I have ever heard. I honestly told the bouncer he needed a flow chart to explain it correctly, because we still didn't get it. We just said yes, paid the cover, and Laura would get free drinks for like 45 minutes (yeah, no clue). Anyways, it wasn't the best deal ever as you can see by Laura's beer on the left and mine on the right. But then the next one she got was big-kid sized, we are still not sure why.

The highlight of the evening was making two friends (no clue what their names were). They were there to watch the bluegrass band, along with a bunch of their other smelly hippy friends. These guys were actaully really nice, but it was HILARIOUS to watch these people dance to the music.
Here I am copying this guys dance moves. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it down just right, but it was fun trying.

Well, the rest of the trip consisted of us hanging out in Denver, sampling the local cuisine, chilling with Laura's friend from way back when Nicole, and meeting up with cousin Nicole and Landon. I made dinner for everyone on Saturay, we had brunch at Nicole and Landon's on Sunday, and then it was time to come home. Thanks again to everyone that hosted me this weekend, and I can't wait until we do it all over again next year.

When I finally got back, Woody was happy to see me. Or at least happy to see my suitcase so he could sleep in it.

Off To Colorado

2008-02-12T11:19:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I am off to Colorado for some much needed rest and relaxation. I've been to Colorado a few times before, but never in winter, so this will be my first time skiiing. Wish me luck and pray that I don't pull a Sonny Bono. **EDITORS NOTE** (Now if pulling a Sonny Bono actually means that I would hook up with Cher, meh, I'd most likely do 'er. I just don't want to die by running into a tree at 47 mph). I'm staying with my cousin Laura the entire time, and the two of us are hitting the slopes on Thursday and Friday in Keystone, then we will party the weekend away in Denver with my cousin (Laura's sister) Nicole, the *andons (Nicole's husband Landon and Laura's boyfriend Brandon), and some of their friends. I'll give a full report with pictures early next week, but I most likely won't have anything up while I'm on my vacation.

Meanwhile, here's a visualization of what I will look like while trying to pick up some ladies at a bar up in the mountains.

Musings #1

2008-02-06T10:27:00.000-06:00

For some reason I realized something very strange about myself, in relation to what I notice about the ladies. Of course when I first see a girl, I will notice the usual things (I won't even mention what they are, but I'm sure you can figure it out). Anyways, i realized that the first thing I notice after the usual things are their shoes. WTF? How did this happen? It's not like I have a thing for shoes or anything. Heck, I got a new pair of shoes for Christmas and it was my first new pair in a few years. Now, here are some examples of what I'm talking about.

-A few months ago I was talking to my friend Carrie Beth Grice Wood, or CBGW, and we were talking about one of her girl friends. Anyways, it got brought up what my thoughts on her were, and without thinking the first thing out of my mouth was "she always has nice shoes." She's a cute girl and all, and that was my number one thought of her. Hmm.

- Last month at work it was about 5:30 and I was still slaving away, and I had a question for my friend/co-worker/sh*t talking partner Logan. When I go to talk to her I immediately asked her if she meant to wear one black and one dark brown shoe. I then realized that could be seen as an offensive comment by some women, but since our relationship pretty much consists of making fun of each other (as well as quoting Dumb and Dumber), it was fair game. Anyhoo, she had been at work since 8 am, works closely with 5 other women in her cube area, and I was the very first person to notice.

- There's a girl that coaches a different team for the same volleyball club that I coach for, and we have the same practice time on Tuesday nights. I don't know much about her, just that her name is Katie, she has a great smile, and I always thought she was at least pretty much good looking. Oh, that and the head coach she works with is an annoying biyatch. So last week at practice, I for some reason realized that she (Katie, not the biyatch) was really good looking. After a minute or two I realized what had swayed me: she had on nice shoes. Not just nice Nike Shox (white w/ green shox and trim), but it also coordinated with her jacket. **SIDE NOTE** So here is a girl that I talk/flirt with once a week for a few minutes, she is good looking, has nice shoes, takes the time to coordinate her outfits, we have at least the volleyball thing in common, and I have no idea anything else about her, such as if she's single. I need to get off my ass and look into these things. Carpe Nikegirl.

And here is the final thing that made me realize I have an add ability to notice girls shoes...

-Sometime late November/Early December I met a girl out and we actually started talking quite a bit and went on a few dates. Now, I wasn't head over heels or anything, and I reached the point where I need to make a decision of whether to continue things with her or realize things were going nowhere. There were pros (good looking, understood my sense of humor, a Democrat) and cons (she was boring, and....well, she was boring). So what made me decide to end things? Her choice of footwear. I noticed that every single time I saw her, she was wearing the same pair of white Sketchers. Not even nice leather go-out Sketchers, but kinda old, slightly dirly tennis shoe Sketchers. Now this would have bugged me no matter what, but it was compounded by the fact that she wore these on dates. Including the first date. Ladies, seriously, who wears crappy shoes on a date, especially the first one? The answer to that question is girls who will soon get dumped by Matt Mac.

What does this say about me? Here are some options:
1) I'm gay.
2) I am too observant for my own good.
3) I'm way too picky about girls.
4) All of the above.
5) 2 and 3

If you said 1 or 4, go f**k yourself. I believe the correct answer is 5, but who knows.

Other than that, life is peachy, except for all of those things that I constantly bitch about.

Super Bowl Par-tay

2008-02-04T11:35:00.000-06:00

Sunday evening I had a little Super Bowl party at my place, and I actually used my new camera and took some pictures. Since most of the Ohio clan hasn't seen pictures of my place ever, you'll get a feel for what it looks like.

Yes, this is how mature we are. Jistin flipping off the camera. Nice.
Note that everyone was just hanging out where the food was, not hanging out by the TV.
Another middle finger. Thanks Genz.
While Genz may have been rude with flipping the bird, he was polite enough to stick his ass outside when he had to fart. And yes, his wife was at the party, too. And no, this wasn't even close to the most innapropriate thing that he did all night. Let's just say I'm glad he didn't get ahold of my camera.
Here's what Woody Hayes thought of the game. I guess he's a Patriots fan.

The ladies eventually decided to have their own little party in the basement. They were playing some game that involved having to name yourself after a vegetable and then rhyme with it. I didn't really get it, so I just went back upstairs and had more queso.

Another view of the girls, but I wanted to give a quick review of my decorating style for my party pad. From left to right: Stereo, Trash Can, Street Signs (no officer, I swear I just found them in a ditch), Cheerleader Calendar, Mounted Deer Head (usually it has a cigarette in it's mouth, but someone must have been reeeeeally desperate and stole it), Volleyball Jerseys (we were supposed to turn those in?), TV, OSU Flag, Foosball Table, Christmas Tree ('tis the season), and a gigantic inflatable Natural Light can. Not seen in the photo is the dart board, flip cup table, and the sump pump hole, which is more commonly known as "the urinal." **EDITORS NOTE** The Natty Light can was graciously purchased by my wonderful brother in law Carl for my b-day back in the day. He wanted a shout out about it, so here you go Carl.

That's all for now, I hope everyone else had a great Super Bowl as well.

Des Moines and the Winter Blues

2008-01-29T09:45:00.000-06:00

This weekend the parents and I met Katie, Carl, Carter, and the fetus in Des Moines for a fun filled 24 hour vacation. We ate, went swimming, ate some more, had some beers, met up with the Barwicks, ate a little more, and then headed home. I swear I have pictures (oh, I bought a new digital camera on Thursday), but I can't get the software to load correctly on my computer so those will have to wait. Mrs. Barwick, if you are reading this, send me some of your pics and I will post them.

Other than that, I think I am in the middle of the winter blues. I am still a little sick (going on day 11 now), I am frustrated with my job, I am as single as I was the day I was born w/ no prospects in sight, and it's freezing outside. I was actually in a worse mood yesterday, but then I worked a girls high school basketball game last night. Why did that cheer me up? Because I realize that no matter how bad my life gets, at least I don't have to watch high school girls basketball on a regular basis. That stuff is AWFULL!!! It is like regular basketball, except all of the exciting parts and athleticism are removed. Now I am all for womens sports, heck, I coach a girls vball team, but for the love of God, if you have a daughter, please steer her to soccer, volleyball, water polo, ANYTHING but basketball. Well, and maybe not softball either, we all know that softball players are butchy. Except for Jennie Finch. If you don't know who Jennie Finch is, please see above. If you don't know who Jennie Finch is and you are a male, please turn in your man-card immediately, your membership has been revoked.

Boring Update

2008-01-23T18:58:00.000-06:00

So I have been sick since Saturday, it turns out I have a sinus infection that just won't go away, despite being on 3 different prescriptions since Tuesday morning.

In other news, my boss is a jackass. If your boss is a jackass too, leave me a comment saying Hell Yeah!!!

That's all, have a great day.

**EDITORS NOTE** It was not my intention to use two Office Space characters/references this close together, but I guess that's just how crappy my life is right now.

NOVA'S RULE!!!

2008-01-22T12:39:00.000-06:00

You all may or may not know this, but I am the coach of a Junior's Volleyball team, the NOVAS 16's Silver. We had our first tournament two weeks ago in Topeka, and going into it we all didn't have the highest expectations, as it was our first time playing together, we didn't have very many practices, and I taught them an entirely new defensive system. Anyways, the girls definately stepped up to the challenge and finished 2nd out of 15 teams! I was extrememly proud of them, and am looking forward to a great year. Way to go girls!!!

A Night In Lawrence, KS

2008-01-20T08:16:00.000-06:00

So on Friday night, my friend Becca asked me to go to Lawrence with her, I guess a friend of hers is in a band and they were playing. Since nothing else was going on, I said "sure." Poor choice my friend. Poor choice.

The first sign that things weren't right was when we got to the bar, it wasn't open. It was almost 9 at night, and it was closed. Also, this "bar" looked like a house for a midget dutchman, it was TINY and for some reason looked like it had been moved from Scandanavia. Anyways, after having a drink at the bar across the street, the dutchman finally showed up at the bar and we were in. Oh, and this bar was supposedly a bar and a coffee house, yet the beer taps were broke as was the cappacino machine. Isn't that like Steak and Shake being out of both steaks and shakes? Wait, Steak and Shake doesn't even sell steaks, and don't give me that "steakburger" crap. It's a hamburger, just call it that.

Well, the booze was cheap, so I got a double gin and tonic for $3.50 and things were better. Then the dutchman tells me that once the door guy gets here, there is a cover charge because there is a band. Wait, so you're telling me I have to pay to get into a bar that I am already in? Someone needs to buy this guy "How To Run A Bar For Dummies." Also, it was about 8 degrees outside, and it appeared to be about 9 degrees in the bar, and yours truly didn't wear a coat. Another poor choice my friend.

So it's 10 by now and the first band, the one with my friends friend in it, starts to play. Ummm, they should keep their day jobs. There are 5 people in the band, and 4 of us watching them. That's right, no one else was there except the group I was with, and that meant the band outnumbered the fans. Not a good sign for a band. And in a random side note, the drummer was only 15 years old, and kept ordering Shirley Temples. I don't know why I find that so funny.

So crappy band #1 finishes up, and it's on to the main act. Here is my breakdown of these guys before they even played a note:

1) Drummer: A cool looking black dude. Anytime there is a black guy in a rock band, it's a good thing. It just doesn't happen too much. Kinda like the opposite of a white rapper, except in this case, it turns out he didn't suck.

2) Bass: No one notices or cares about the bass player, unless you are Flea. This guy was no Flea.

3) Keyboards: It would have been way cooler if he played the keytar, not the keyboards. He needs to look into that. **EDITORS NOTE** If you don't know what a Keytar is, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keytar

4) Vocals/Guitar: You know that weird guy in high school that was about 5'5", smelled kinda funky, always ran from class to class for no reason, never made eye contact with anyone, and never paid attention in class because he was too busy drawing comics, yet would ace every test because he was a freakin' genious? That was this guy.

5) Saxaphone: Yes, you heard me, I said saxaphone. He looked anorexic, and he totally had the Kenny G style sax. I think he was my favorite.

6) Trumpet: One word can describe this guy: F*CKING CREEPY!!! OK, so that was two words, but one word couldn't do him justice. Everyone else in the band was about 22, this guy was about 50. And do you all know Milton from Office Space, the guy that just wants his stapler back? This guy was Milton's long lost twin brother, it was downright odd how much they looked alike. If you don't know who Milton is, please see attached picture.

So the band starts playing, and it turns out they aren't bad, except for the fact they think they are the Greatful Dead and every song is 25 minutes long. By this point I couldn't feel my legs, and the door guy finally showed up, although at first I thought it was a homeless man that had wondered in to warm up. Sucks for him, the bar isn't any warmer than his cardboard house.

Well, from there we went to some other bar that tried to be really trendy and classy, my irritation level was now through the roof. I thought I would spend the night listening to some decent band in a college bar with $1 draws and wasted freshman girls that got in with their older sister's ID who would magically be attracted to an out of shape 24 year old who stands out because he isn't a frat douche with a pink polo shirt with the collar popped.

Boy was I wrong.

Check, Check, Is This Thing On?

2008-01-18T10:44:00.001-06:00

Here it is, my first official post, and I thought there was no better way to start things off than to show a nice cheerleader wedgie. Heather, this would have been a picture of you here, but I don't have a picture of you with a wedgie. Please submit one ASAP and I will post it.